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“Cas, do you want to go upstairs with me? I just got home and was going to get something to eat.” I wasn’t originally but needed an excuse to get him to come with me.
Starry went to him and nudged his hand with her nose until he started petting her. She turned to present him with her ass for optimal hip rubs.
“I’m not hungry,” he murmured.
“Okay, but I am. You could come with me and watch me eat.” That sounded stupid, but I had to coax him upstairs somehow. Picking him up wasn’t an option. I’d already eaten at the main house. Hopefully, this worked.
“I’m not very good company.”
“That’s all right. We don’t have to talk. Can’t we spend time together and not say anything?”
“You don’t want to pry out of me what happened just now?”
“Not unless you want to tell me. I’m a good listener, but I understand if you’re not in the mood to talk.”
He held out his hand, which I readily took. “Will you keep your hand in mine?” It was difficult seeing him like this. Cas was always a force to be reckoned with. A trembling palm was currently connected to mine. It broke a part of me. I wanted to fix this for him but couldn’t. Whatever happened was between the band, not me.
“I won’t go anywhere without you.”
Casper stood and together, with Starry rushing ahead of us, we went upstairs. Reed gave me a sad smile as we passed by.
In the kitchen, I quickly gathered what I needed to make a sandwich with Casper beside me. He didn’t want to eat, so I made one for me and one for Reed. I wasn’t sure when they last ate.
I’d tried to give Reed money for food and to help cover the bills, but he wouldn’t take it. Instead, I asked Cadence if she could give me a ride after work sometimes. She took me to the store with her and I was able to buy a bunch of food I noticed Casper and Reed ate.
It didn’t matter to me how much money Casper and Reed had. I wanted to contribute. I’d already started paying their mom back for the clothes she bought me. She tried to do what Reed did and refuse the money, but I stood firmer with her. It was more than paying back a debt. It mattered that I was able to afford to pay for the things I needed. I explained it to her, and she took the money. I still had a little more to repay but felt better for giving back some of what I’d spent.
“Are you sure you don’t want anything?” I asked Casper, who stood behind me with his arms around my waist and his chin on my shoulder.
I’d learned he wanted to touch me all the time. Not in a sexual way. If I had to guess, it comforted him to know Reed and I were here. Casper held a lot inside still. He was working on talking to us when he had something on his mind, but words wouldn’t easily come. Breaking habits could be difficult. When his head got too full of shit he didn’t want to say aloud, he sought us out. It wasn’t necessary for Casper to speak to be understood. I quickly realized it; Reed already knew.
“No, thank you.”
Sitting at the table, Casper carefully pulled me down to his lap. That was where I ate my sandwich. It wasn’t a bad spot to be, not at all. I appreciated he wasn’t pushing me for more. When I’d had men touching me in the past, it was for one reason. With Reed and Casper, everything was different. They didn’t remind me of what I did before I met them. Escaping the memories wasn’t always easy, but I reveled in the fact they knew about me and still wanted to be with me. It was hard to believe. When I had my doubts, they seemed to know and showed me how they felt about me with their gentle touches and words of affection.
Casper toyed with a loose thread on my shirt. “Slater said some things…”
“You don’t have to tell me.”
“He said I emotionally abused Reed.”
I slowly put my sandwich down and moved so I could give him my complete attention. It was obvious how much this was tearing him up. While my first instinct was to deny he could do that, I wasn’t there. I didn’t witness what the others had, nor did I want to make false statements. I only had my experience to speak from. The man whose lap I was currently seated on treated me like a king. “Do you think you did?”
“I treated him horribly so many times.”
“Cas, you’ve apologized to him for what happened, and he forgave you. Letting stuff go can be hard, but you have to ask yourself if this is going to help or hurt your future with him.”
“With both of you.”
“With us. So, will it? If you let Slater’s words dig their claws in, will they help you treat us better?”
He shook his head. “No, they’ll make me pull away and hurt you again.”
“Then break the cycle.” I put my hand on his cheek, enjoying the way his scruff felt on my palm. Some days he shaved, some he didn’t. I didn’t have a preference. He was gorgeous to me, no matter what. More than what was on the outside, the longer I spent with him, the more I appreciated what was within.
“What if I can’t?”
“What if you can? Let’s look at it differently. The longer you let it bother you, the less time you spend enjoying what you have. Reed’s not angry with you, is he?”
