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“It’s not that. I’m so damn nervous around him, afraid I’m going to say the wrong thing and he’ll get pissed. He’s paying me much more than I made at the other job. I don’t want to screw it up.”
Romeo sat on the other side of Dash with a cup of coffee in hand. It was nearly eleven, but he liked to sleep in. It made it easier to stay up later if he wasn’t working, so he could have a semblance of a schedule. “You’re not going to. I heard you two talking before I came downstairs. He’s kind to you. If he didn’t like you, believe me, he wouldn’t be friendly.”
A shadow passed in front of the house, drawing my eyes. Bruno made a pass by to watch over us. Night and day, therewere guards outside. Romeo said in the winter, they sat in running vehicles to stay warm. None of them complained either. Given what I was paid, I wondered how much they made to stand as armed sentinels.
Dash put his arm around Romeo’s shoulders. “What’s the matter, angel? You still look tired. Didn’t Tris cuddle with you last night?” Dash was trying to give us our space, although he was pained every time he parted ways with us, like he wanted to stay but couldn’t ask. I would have offered to have him sleep here last night, but there was clearly something bothering Romeo and I didn’t want to push.
Romeo shook his head. “Not last night. I couldn’t sleep and ended up pacing for a while.”
It took everything in me not to go to him while I lay in bed and listened to his soft footfalls last night. I wasn’t assertive. I didn’t insert myself into situations. There was also the annoying thought in my head trying to make it seem like I was the problem, and that was why Romeo was having difficulty settling for the night. He didn’t ask for my help or search me out. So, I stayed put and hoped I hadn’t made a mistake or upset him.
“You can talk to us,” Dash said. “You can say anything. We won’t judge you.”
“I know, it’s just…” He stood, taking the coffee with him. “I want to tell you about my past, so you understand a bit of why I am the way I am, but it’s not that easy.”
“Whenever you’re ready,” I told him, feeling stupid and shitty because it had nothing to do with me. Romeo was obviously struggling, and my dumb ass thought it was something I did.
Dash stood and went to him, taking the mug from his hand and setting it on the table. “Angel.” He cupped Romeo’s cheeks. “I love you. No matter what you say, it’s going to be okay.”
Tears shined in Romeo’s eyes. “I love you too.” He looked at me where I still sat on the couch. “I love you, Tris. God, I love you both so much.”
I got to my feet and walked to where they stood near the dining table. With one hand on Dash’s back and the other on Romeo’s, I said, “I love you both too. It scares me to fall so fast again, but I couldn’t stop it if I wanted to. And I don’t. I’m so in love with you.”
Dash graced me with a handsome smile. “I love you too, Tris.”
26
ROMEO
I raked my hand through my hair. With Tristan and Dash surrounding me, saying they loved me, I knew I had to tell them everything. Secrets wouldn’t help move us into the future and this wasn’t a big revelation, but a key to my past that would help explain things.
Sitting on one of the dining chairs, not bothering to move to the couch, I let out a breath and waited for them to join me before I started talking. “I knew I was gay early in my teens, but I didn’t broadcast it around school. There were other kids who were queer like me and didn’t hide either, but they were bullied for it. So, I kept to myself. If someone asked, I told them, not wanting to be stuck in the closet. I wasn’t ashamed. Obviously, I was attracted to other boys, but I was still reserved about it. I was friends with the kids who were open about their sexuality, but I was also friends with others who played sports, who were cheerleaders. I tried to be nice to everyone.
“I was in the locker room after gym one day when a couple of boys cornered me and shoved me against the lockers. Apparently, word spread fast among the bullies, and I ended up pinned with them breathing in my face. They called me names, all kinds of slurs, while my shirt was fisted, and hate leechedfrom them. I will never understand how others can harbor that kind of hatred simply because another isn’t straight. It doesn’t make sense.”
“No, it doesn’t,” Tristan said. “People have been cruel to me. I know what it feels like and it’s shitty as hell.” Tristan faced it with his own family. That was a different level of isolation. My mom had my back. Tristan had no one after losing his parents.
Dash had one hand in mine and the other in Tristan’s. He soothed us the best he could.
Taking a deep breath, I continued. “One of the guys pulled my shorts down along with my underwear, leaving my dick to hang out in front of them. They threatened me, said they were going to rape me because I liked taking it up the ass so much. The thought of them hurting me scared the fuck out of me. As a virgin, I wondered what my first time would be like, and it wasn’t that. I shook against them, tried to fight them off, but I wasn’t strong enough. Luckily, others came in and nothing more happened. If they hadn’t…” Tears burned my eyes as the memory assaulted me. Why couldn’t those kids have shown compassion and understanding?
“You don’t have to tell us the rest,” Dash said softly.
A tear slid down my cheek. “I want to get it out.”
Tristan reached across Dash to take my other hand. “Take your time.”
After a couple of deep breaths to fight off the impending panic attack, I launched back into my story. “My mom pulled me out of school so she could look for other avenues. She told me we’d move to a safer place, that she’d do her research, so I was in an environment where I could thrive instead of being in fear, but the thought of leaving our home was upsetting. I was safe there and didn’t want to leave. She enrolled me in homeschooling with the district. I still was part of the same school system except I finished high school from home. It was lonely. The friends Ihad tried to stay in touch but the longer I was out of the school environment, the worse my anxiety got. It started that day in the locker room and amplified the more time went on.
“Mom got me into therapy, and it helped a lot. They tried different medications, different doses, but I didn’t like the way it made me feel. Either I was drowsy as hell or spaced out and disconnected. Yeah, having the edge taken off was fantastic. Feeling that calm, god it was good. But I liked how I felt better off the medication. I learned how to fight the anxiety in other ways and avoided as many triggers as I could. It became comforting to be alone with one or two people. I didn’t panic.”
“Then you went to college,” Dash said, his fingers squeezing mine.
I nodded. “I felt ready and wanted to get back out there to experience what others my age were. We had the money, thanks to my father. I liked to learn and could limit what I did by only taking so many classes. College was great for a while. There were friends I’d made, and I fell in love. Everything was going good except for the fact I was hidden away. Typical story. Gay boy falls for a guy, who isn’t ready to come out, and ends up kissing a girl in front of everyone to show the world he’s straight. Gay me gets his heart broken and feels like the world is falling around him. He didn’t love me, nor could I trust him. He’d made those promises, so I’d keep getting him off and making him come his brains out.”
Reaching for my coffee, I took a sip for something to do other than look into the compassionate eyes of the men I loved. A breather was good, another moment to attempt to calm my racing heart as I relived my past.
“I didn’t want to fall in love after that,” I continued. “No more opening myself to heartbreak. I couldn’t get hurt if I didn’t let anyone in. Then I got word my father died, and I had to go to the reading of his will. Not only did I have my mom, but Jordanbecame another layer of support after that. I didn’t realize how desperately I wanted a father figure in my life until he was there, offering safety and a place to be myself. For all his stoic behavior and the air of not giving a fuck, he feels everything deeply. He just doesn’t show it.”
