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Boris’ image was wired differently than ours and may take more time to work with, so we’ve decided we would move back to our apartment. Lev is coordinating someone to come in to expand the area to another floor so that we can give Evie her own room, as well as create a giant room for all of us. For whenever she’s ready.
If she’s ever ready.That damn voice in my head taunts me at every turn.
There’s some kind of hope in forming a plan, but reality never seems to follow a straight line on a page. I choose to have faith in my girl though. She’s as strong as they come.
When the plane lands, the feeling in the air seems to shift. This was supposed to be a victorious moment. Instead, I hand Evie to Havoc for him to take to Dr. K. We didn’t want to trigger her again by risking her seeing us, so we kept her sedated. I’d like to say that just having her close helped, but I honestly think it made it so much worse.
To feel her warmth in my arms, only to be taken from me feels like a punch to the gut. As the car Havoc has her in drives off, I feel a piece of my soul going with it. I’m wholly terrified I’ll never get to have it close to me again.
Lev leans his head on my shoulder and I know tears are falling. Alexi stands there, pretending nothing bothers him until the headlights can no longer be seen. It's then that I witness one of the fiercest men I’ve ever known break.
She wanted to know that she could live without us if she needed to, but I think we just found out that we don’t know how to live without her.
Chapter 13
Waking up like this almost feels normal now. It’s actually kind of nice though. I feel rested for once. Maybe the guard got me a cot or something to sleep on this time.
Stretching out my limbs, I feel a soft, warm blanket around me and the events leading up to now hit me like a bungee cord snapping in my face.
The escape. Lizz. Havoc. Boris?
Trepidation seizes my chest as I lay here, trying to take deep breaths. I need to kill him. I have to. I have to do it or everything is going to hurt again. I try to sit up and as my eyes adjust, a familiar redhead comes into view.
“Gecko.”
My brows pinch, but the weight in my chest seems to dissipate. I no longer feel like I have somewhere to be.
“What?” I ask her with a hoarse voice.
“That’s your control word.” She leans forward in the chair beside my bed, a warm fire crackling behind her. “There’s no easy way to tell you this, Evie.”
I laugh as I stretch a bit more, flexing my fingers and toes. Not feeling the cold in my bones is almost foreign to me. “Is anything in this life easy, Dr. K?”
“I suppose you’re right.” She sits back in her chair and glances down at a notebook. “Rostya manipulated your mind. We are going to work on fixing that.”
Her voice is gentle as reality comes creeping in.I knew things were getting bad, but had he really managed to have that effect on me?
I breathe, remembering all the things Lev taught me as tears burn my eyes.
“Crying is very normal in this state, Evie.” She reaches over and hands me a tissue. I take it but shake my head.
“I’m not crying because of what he managed to do to me.ThatI’m actually really thankful I have you to help me with. I’m crying because…”
A sob catches in my throat, and I grab for the ring around my neck that has centered me more times than I can count. When I touch my chest, panic flares because it’s gone.
“Where’s my ring?” I ask, my tone frantic.
“We removed it when you got on the helicopter. Ivan informed us that they placed a tracker in it.”
I want to scream. He ruined the one piece I had left of them. My breathing turns to hyperventilating. Dr. K reaches out a hand to rest lightly on my back. I didn’t even realize she’d moved.
“Deep breaths, Evie. Tell me what’s happening.” I gasp and swallow air for a second before I can regulate.
Eventually, it comes to me though. Dr. K moves back to her chair when I finally gain my composure. I know better than to apologize for my feelings even if I have the urge to. It’s okay to have big emotions sometimes. Dr. K is a safe space.
“I just miss them.” A shaky sigh leaves my lips. “It’s funny. Damien once said I was strong enough to live without them. Yet in the same sentence, he claimed I would never have to. Except, here I am, having to find a way to move on in a world where they no longer exist.”
“Where who no longer exists?” Dr. K tilts her head a bit as if she’s confused about who I could be talking about.
