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“Talk to me, Kira. Lay your burdens on me.”
“I can’t.”
“Why the hell not?”
“Because once you learn how damaged I am, you will leave!” The tears are back, and she breaks free of my hold, stepping out of the shower, wrapping the towel around her body hastily, and running away from me.
She thinks her past can scare me away? Then she doesn’t know me at all. Or my love for her.
Chapter thirty-eight
Kira
Song: Sofia Karlberg – Toxic
Drowning. I was drowning in my past when his voice saved me. When he pulled me from the black, murky waters of my memories. From the night my mother beat me half-dead and killed my baby in the process.
I shouldn’t be surprised my mind decided to remind me of that night after the week I had. After Vassar’s daughter asked me if I will be her mom. After she slipped into my chest, and I’ve let her. After the emotional rollercoaster he dragged me through. But I should be surprised that I ignored it. And seeing that picture Vee drew of us woke me up.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why did I think it was a good idea to have them move in? Why did I have to go right ahead and get attached to that little girl? Why did I make him take the room right next to mine? Now, he knows more than he should, and I might lose the only person I want.
I shouldn’t want him.
I learnedthatnight that whatever I love and want turns to ashes and dust, and I can’t do it to Vas, and especially not to his daughter, who already has one shitty parent in her life.
When Vassar was telling me his story I couldn’t understand it. I couldn’t believe a woman who didn’t deserve it was granted such a gift that she neglected, abused—from what I know from Vee—and, in the end, walked out with a grand fucking exit.
But at least that woman left them before she’s done any more damage to her daughter.
That’s more than could ever be said about the twisted monsters that raised me.
There is a reason I never asked him about Victoria’s mother. I didn’t want to know. Why did he have to share it with me? Why did he have to open his heart when I could crush it so easily? Doesn’t he know better? Doesn’t he know me?
I need to get as far away from him, so I slip from the shower and take off, only to be stopped before I reached the door.
“Kira.” Vassar’s hand wraps around my wrist, halting my movement.
“Let me go,” I urge him without turning around.
“No. I will never let you go.”
“You don’t know what you are saying. I don’t want you to keep me. I don’t want you. Period.”
Lies.Painful, searing lies. But this is for the best. He should hate me like he has for the past few years.
Hate, I know.
Love, I’ve never understood.
But Vas doesn’t let go of my hand. Instead, he sweeps me off my feet and carries my towel-wrapped, shaking body to his bed, sitting me down on his lap like he’d done back in my room.
Vassar doesn’t understand what that means to me. What his warmth has chased away and now he’s doing it again.
“Baby, you and I both know a lie when we hear it. So, why don’t you stop doing it around me, hm?”
“Let me go,” my mouth says, but my body doesn’t obey my own command. I don’t want to get up from his lap. I don’t wantto leave his side, and that scares me more than anything has in the last decade.
“Never.” He kisses my temple and lays his head on top of mine. “You don’t want to talk, that’s fine. But I will still be here. Trust me, I have tried and tried again to push you out of my mind. Hell, I didn’t let you touch me to help myself stay away. I even made myself hate you, but that didn’t do shit. So, deal with it, Ursula, because I am not leaving.”
