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“You’relying,”Ichewed out.
Heshrugged. “Believewhat you want.”
“Tellme whatLevisaid.”
“Hetold me the downstairs fridge wasn’t working but a repairman should be here soon to fix it.”
Igrasped my hair with both hands, ready to tear them out.Hemade me crazy, fucking absolutely bonkers.Whobehaved this way?
Myblood was aflame, and my stomach was full of cement.Withlabored breaths and my voice barely a whisper, as if the words themselves were too much to handle,Isaid, “Iwant to go home.Youpromised to take me home.”
“Youare home,” he replied placidly.
Icesettled in my chest, andIstarted to feel numb.Istruggled to process what was happening, mouth partially agape for a silent scream thatIstifled.Dreadgripped my insides as my new reality dawned on me.
“Doyou want to eat dinner here or in the dining room?”Axelmoved on as if my concerns had been addressed for long enough. “Let’seat in the dining room,” he decided. “Youhaven’t seen it yet.”
Istared atAxelblankly as he called the kitchen through the intercom.Ibarely heard his question, asking whatIwanted to eat.Whenmy stupefied self couldn’t respond, he placed an order on my behalf.
IwatchedAxelwith unfocused eyes as he let go of the intercom button and approached me.Mymind was vacant and a stillness that spoke volumes kept me rooted.
Axel’sheavy gaze lingered on my lips, languidly moving to the curve of my neck and the places he had marked me.Thehunger in his eyes was ostensible, but the way his hands twitched at his sides told me he was holding himself back.Perhapsit was out of consideration for my apprehension whileIabsorbed the sudden changes in my life.
“Let’sgo skinny dipping while they cook,” he suddenly suggested an item from our list, once more indicating his good mood. “Poolor the beach?”
Aterrible forewarning festered in the pit of my stomach and my melancholy was reflected in my expressions.Isuddenly knew whyAxelwas in such a good mood, butIrefused to acknowledge it.Denialwas easier.
“Ican cut off my staff’s access to both, depending on what you’re in the mood for.”
Asif having an out-of-body experience,Iheard myself say, “Let’sgo to the beach.”
Axel’sface might be expressionless, but his eyes betrayed the tinge of surprise at my easy acquiescence.Theperfectly schooled features returned momentarily with an oh-so-telling smirk.
AxelthoughtIhad finally succumbed to my fate and submitted to his will.Hewas wrong.
I’dfight him tomorrow, but tonight,I’daccept this distraction.Musclestense and trembling,Iwas ready for this list, the only thing that could help make me feel alive right now.Ineeded to see the world in vivid contrasts of black and white, dark and light, all at once with clarity and intensity.Ineeded to smell the tinge of sharpness in the air.Theblood in my veins was already coursing at the speed of an express train.Myheightened heartbeat sounded like a river over rocks or a stormy sea crashing against the shore.
Iwas facing the enormous loss of everythingI'dknown for years, something that would drastically uproot my daughter's life, too.So,Ineeded this rush, the jolt that would shake my body and leave it trembling with charged energy.
Nothingelse in this world could put my body on full alert like doing a list item withAxel.Ineeded the spark that created an all-encompassing buzz around my ears, energizing my body from head to toe with every passing second.Thetingling sensation of my skin on fire, like electric shocks coursing through my veins.Thevibration that made me feelIcould move mountains.
Ineeded all those things more than my next breath.Ineeded a reprieve.
ForIno longer neededAxel’sresponse about whatLevihad found.Thatsinking feeling already told me.Jay’sfolder was the thinnest of them all, andAxelhad been scouring to find material on my husband.Ablaring, nasty voice screamed thatJaywas having an affair, despite the rational voice soothing that he’d never.Andeven ifJaywere having an affair, infidelity wouldn’t be why a high-profile marriage like ours would be allowed to end.
Itcould only mean one thing.Axeldidn’t simply find evidence ofJayhaving an affair; there was more.Heno longer cared ifIservedJaywith divorce papers, and there could only be one reason whyAxelwouldn’t care about me leavingJay.
Itwas becauseJaywas already leavingme.
ChapterSeventeen
* * *
Piya
Thenext coupleof weeks made me realize that the initial glimpses of madnessIsaw inAxelpaled compared to the real thing.He’dblown into my life like a hurricane, upending my existence.WheneverItried fighting the sudden invasion,Axelthreatened me with the utter destruction of everyoneIloved.
Myfreedom became stringent in the subsequent days to follow.Mostof my essentials magically migrated toAxel’shome.TheitemsIlacked,Axelbought in abundance and filled the upstairs closet of his bedroom.
