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Asexpected,Jaywas the world’s best dad.Evenif he worked all day, he was never too tired to change a diaper or take a night shift soIcould sleep in.Asa result,Poppy’sbond withJaywas immediate.Bythe time she turned two, they’d developed a special routine.She’dstroll into herPapa’soffice and ask him to pick her up.Jaywould place her on his lap while he scrolled through reports and numbers.
I’dsneak into the office, too, and together, we’d mess upJay’sschedule.I’dsit at the arm of his chair, watchingBollywoodmovies with my headphones on.Meanwhile,Jaywould sit in front of the computer withPoppyon his lap.He’dread the end-of-the-day reports with his right arm wrapped protectively aroundPoppyand the left one around me.Everyonce in a while, he’d free the arm wrapped around me to scroll down the computer screen.SometimesI’dworry aboutJay’sencompassing attention making him forgetful enough to loosen the hold aroundPoppy.ThenI’dglance over and watch, astonished, at the iron-clad hold he’d have onPoppy, despite his eyes being glued to the computer screen.We’ddo this little routine every evening.
Oneday, we were doing our same evening tradition inJay’soffice.Jaythoughtfully read the screen whileIsat on the arm of his chair.ShahrukhandKajolwere dancing their hearts out on my phone screen, my headphones blastingBollywoodmusic.Suddenly, we heardPoppymuttering the numbers on the screen.Wewere both so taken aback that we glanced at each other and shrugged the way parents do when they have no clue what’s happening with their kids.
Bythe following year,Poppyhad become enamored with any sequence of numbers, and her special gift came to light.She’dpick up numbers with incredible ease, and we started tutoring her at home.
Duringour evening tradition,Jaypurposefully started scrolling down slower upon realizingPoppyliked to memorize the long sequences of numbers on the computer screen.I’dmemorized our routine well and knew it tookJayexactly thirty minutes to wrap up at the end of the day.Byslowing down forPoppy, it started takingJayforty-five minutes to read the reports.
Jaywas nothing if not a man of habit and conscious about time.Hell, he cared about time so much that he grieved his dead girlfriend for only a few moments at a time.Yet, the pragmatic man who even timed his mourning periods had suddenly succumbed to the unspoken demands of a three-year-old.Wasthere anything sexier in this world?
Jaycut back on work each passing year to spend more time with us.Morepictures ofPoppyandIappeared on his desk, the walls of his office, and every inch of his life.
AndI…I.Was.A.Smitten-kitten.
Icouldn’t stop watching them together, enamored by their father-daughter bond.Itnever made me jealous thatPoppydidn’t share my interests.Iwas simply happy staring at the two people who seemed like the most beautiful thingsIhad seen on earth.Inever imagined it was possible to be so utterly and irrevocably in love to the point thatI’ddo anything for them.LikeJay,Iwas content with life, and for the first time,Iwondered if this was what true happiness felt like.
Present
* * *
Thisstory was the reason whyAxel’sdeception hurt so badly.Stillsitting on the sunroom floor,Itilted my head to the side and watched him out of the corner of my eye.
“IfIhadn’t run away from you,Iwould’ve never known.”
“So,Iguess you know the truth now.”
Itook in a shuddering breath. “Howcould you have been so cruel?”
Axelscoffed. “Cruel?” he asked tauntingly. “Iplanned on ruiningAmbani, but afterIfound out…Ishowed him mercy.Ilet him off the hook and let nature take its course.”
Myface was a mask of anguish asIyelled, “Mercy?Jayshould have been with his family this whole time.”
“Hisfamily?”Axel’svoice was laced with mockery. “You’remy wife,Poppy’smy daughter.WheredoesAmbanifit into this equation?”Thewords sounded like a challenge, meant to goad me into action.
Myskin was cold to the touch as my hands gripped each other until they became white from tension. “Poppymight be your daughter, but you’ll never be her father,”Ideclared. “Deador alive, she’ll only have one father, and she has made it clear.Jayraised your daughter, but you still planned to let him die without giving us a chance to say goodbye.”
Axeldidn’t speak, nor did he deny it.Itwas whatLevihad discovered that day about my husband.Thatwas what putAxelin a good mood; the news of my husband’s impending death.
TwoDaysAgo
* * *
“Whydidn’t you tell me?”Mybottom lip quivered atJay’shorizontal body lying on our oversized sofa in our living room.
Heglanced at me and smiled sadly. “Thereis no point in dooming us both.”
Ishuddered, remembering how the last timeIsaw him,Jayhad grabbed onto the table after sharing only one glass of wine.Hehad diligently limited our time together soIwouldn’t catch on.Fora whole year, he had been hiding this from me, except his state had worsened.ALScame with sudden twitching, clumsiness, and falling.Therewas no way of hiding it any longer, soJaystopped going into the office.Ifound him on the sofa upon returning to ourChicagohome, and the paperwork next to him gave away his secrets.
ImadeJayregularly test for familialALS.Theresults of the last test came back positive, but he had hidden it.
Myeyes were glazed, my jaw tight, and my mouth pulled into a thin line.Icould barely whisper, “Whydid you hide it?”Myhand landed on his cheek, scraping over the full beard he sported for the first time in our marriage.
Atrembling hand grazed my cheek in return. “BecauseI’vealready done this once withKat.Icared for her until the end.Itwas awful.Youcan’t spend your best years taking care of someone else.”
“Someoneelse?”Ishouted, upset. “I’myour wife.Whoelse should take care of you?”
“Ialready have a nurse and don’t need another one.”Heshook his head; his kind, familiar eyes were adamant. “You’reyoung.Youcan travel the world and fall in love again.Youstill have time to have another baby if you want.It’llbe too late if you spend those years being doomed with me.”
