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“A moment?!” Cynthia practically shrieked.
I leaned in. “Sh. Someone will hear you. I already want to die as it is,” I hissed.
She rolled her eyes. “No one is here except you, me and the cockroaches that live in the pantry. Well, except Andrew, I guess. Do tell, though.” She rubbed her hands together gleefully.
“Well, I was in his office and there was tension.” And boy had there been tension. I couldn’t help replaying his tortured groan when I had accidentally brushed against his stomach.
“There’s always tension between you two. It’s like the Camp David accords every time we sit down to a group meeting.”
“Yes, but this was different.” I blew out a breath as I tried to explain myself in the least embarrassing way possible.
“I think I want to have sex with Andrew Markman. There, I said it.” I could feel my cheeks turning pink as I confessed. Cynthia burst out laughing, her flaming locks shaking around her head. I gave her my best evil glare.
“Every girl in this building wants to have sex with Andrew Markman. Did you genuinely not realize today that he absolutely oozes it? I think a client actually propositioned him once during due diligence.”
I felt my face heat. “Cynth, all I see when I look at that man is red.”
“Not anymore!” she cackled. “You’ve finally woken up to the truth all of us live with every day. The question is, what are you going to do about it?”
“Erm, nothing?” I squirmed a little in my seat. “You didn’t let me get to the embarrassing part yet. Ithoughtwe had a moment, but turns out, Andrew was just messing with me, again. He just wants me to admit that I want him, so he can drop me on my ass and laugh his way to a promotion. And to top it all off, he made some really rude comments about being able to get me fired when he makes partner.” I briefly let my head drop into my hands. “I don’t think I can share with him for weeks. And I know can’t sit in my office while he becomes my boss. It might kill me. If he makes partner, I’m going to start looking for a new job.”
I tried to look confident by my stomach was in knots. We’d had this conversation before. Around and around I went, hoping my work was enough, knowing the competition was fierce, believing in myself one moment and struck dumb by imposter syndrome the next.
Cynthia’s eyes were flashing. She was the most protective and aggressive person I knew, and this tripped all her wires. “That asshole” she spat. “I swear to God, hell is too kind a place for that man.” She slashed a hand through the air. “It doesn’t matter because you’re going to make partner too. Don’t take him seriously.”
“How am I going to share an office with him? He’s too…tempting. God, I’m just like every other idiot in this office who is obsessed with him. Well, except for you.”
“Thank you,” she said primly. “I have excellent taste.” Her gaze narrowed. “Listen, he sucks, but you just have to get through another six weeks or something. Don’t let him get to you, kill it on the Bankman deal, and definitely don’t make out with him anymore. He’ll only use it against you. When you get to the office after the holiday, you’re going to be a changed woman.”
I listened raptly. If anyone could help me steer out of this mess, it was Cynthia. “Okay, so, act like nothing happened?”
‘That’s right.” She nodded. “You need him on your side. You guys were friends once. I say you walk in January second and you turn over a new leaf. No more arguing, no more pettiness, really show Gerald you mean business.” She shrugged. “Easier said than done. It’s what I would do, anyways.”
I nodded slowly. “Thanks, Cynth.” I gave her a hug.
I wished her a Merry Christmas before heading out for a full week of freedom. As I commuted home, I pondered her words. I was so tired of the animosity and the pettiness with Andrew. Worse, I was starting to hate the person I was around him. Why did he get to dictate my behavior? He had way too much control. When January second came, I would show Gerald and everyone that I could rise above.Running. It’s what you always do.Not this time, asshole. This time I was playing to win.
11
Andrew
Iwas late and I didn’t care. I sat in my car and willed myself to drive away, to leave Portia hanging. She wouldn’t care. She had never met me and had a full life. She was on her way to medical school in the fall and presumably her parents, who were both doctors, were so proud of her. She was the perfect daughter; taking up the family business, agreeing to go on a date with me.
It would serve my mother and father right if I drove away. What would another refusal mean? It would be just another failure in a long string of disappointments. I sighed. I couldn’t do that to an innocent young woman, a girl really, and certainly not on December 23, when everyone in the world was supposed to be kind and accommodating.
I slammed my car door shut and strode into the restaurant. Portia was there, buried in her phone, perfect profile intent on the photos through which her neatly manicured nail flicked.Flick.Flick.I stalked toward the table, already annoyed at her choice of restaurant. This was an avant-garde hellhole where I was expected to enjoy my food in little bubbles and foams.
“Portia. Sorry I’m late.” I smoothly unbuttoned my jacket and sat, careful to keep my long legs from brushing hers.
“Hi.” She attempted shyness but I saw calculation in her gaze. She assessed my suit, my haircut, my watch.$5000, $200 and $25,000.I wanted to blurt the numbers out, to raise a brow at her avarice, but I kept my face blank as she appraised me. She must have liked what she saw because she gave me a flash of white teeth.
We made small talk and ordered. When our entrees arrived, I nearly groaned. The tiniest piece of steak I had ever seen sat beneath what looked like a sphere of sauce. I poked at it with my knife before accepting my fate and digging in.
“So, Andrew. You’re a lawyer?” She sipped her wine and watched me.
“Yes, at Taylor, Jones and Roberts.” I saw her trying to do the calculus in her head of how much I made. I waited.
“So, how do you enjoy being a…partner?” She asked uncertainly, just the right amount of hesitation in her voice.That’s right. If you say associate and I’m a partner, I’ll be offended, but the other way around is fine.She was smart.
