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I had been waiting for years for Josh to make a move on Emily. She was four years younger than him and he had been her eternal childhood crush. Just old enough to be around when we needed a babysitter or when Dad wanted an extra hand to help mow the lawn. When he had turned 18, we had watched his varsity baseball games and giggled at how tight his pants were.
“Well, how was it? Is a wedding imminent?” I needed to know more.
She sobered. “Actually, it was really awkward. I sort of fell on him and our lips met for a second and then he pulled away and hightailed it out of the house. Made up an excuse about seeing some friends for dinner and drove home. I think it’s time for me to admit that Josh and Emily forever is never going to happen.”
I scrunched up my face. “No way. You know I always thought he was into you.”
“Guess not.” She petted Magoo and didn’t meet my eyes. “It’s ok. It would never work anyways. He can do whatever he wants now that he’s mega wealthy and I’m just…me. I don’t want something long distance. I want something steady and available. Josh ain’t that.”
“I’m sorry, Em.” I got up and gave her a hug.
“So what’s up with you? Seems like you actually have some time off this year, which is nice for a change.” Emily had seen me powering through documents on many a Christmas Eve.
I settled into the worn couch and sipped my wine. “Surprising, for once. I got my deal done just a few days ago and I’ve been unstaffed from everything else in preparation for this new deal that starts January second. It’s actually going to suck, though.” I lowered my voice so my mom wouldn’t hear me complaining about work. She would tell me to “Just tell the partners no,” despite the number of times I had told it didn’t work like that.
Emily’s eyes were wide and I took another fortifying sip of red wine. “I have to share an office with Andrew Markman.” I grimaced as I spoke the words. Emily had heard me complain about Andrew enough to understand the gravity of the situation.
“Wait. Andrew, Andrew? Of the late night arguments and conference room blow-ups? Conniving, work stealing, ass-kissing, good ol’ boy Andrew? You’re sharing an office withhim? What in the world?”
With each word, my frown deepened. I forgot how much I had complained about him over the years to her. Was he really that terrible?
“Yeah, well, the partners have cottoned on to the fact that we despise each other and now they are forcing the issue. If we can’t get along and run the Bankman deal together, I’m going to get fired.” I mouthed the last word and watched Emily’s brows go up in alarm.
“Shit,” she breathed.“How are you going to handle that?”
“I have no idea.” I let my head fall back on the couch cushion.
“You know you don’t have to do this, right?”
I raised my head to see Emily looking concerned. “What do you mean?”
“Make partner, be a lawyer, make money. No one would blame you if you stopped.” She paused. “I just want you to be happy.”
“Look at the pot calling the kettle black.”
She made a face at my words and sipped her wine. Emily was the queen of self-sacrifice. She had always dreamed of traveling the world, but she made do because she wanted to help my parents as they aged.
“I appreciate it, Em. I do. And I want this. I love to win and I love how people listen when I talk. As silly as it sounds, growing up here, being a nerd in high school, getting picked on just like they do in stupid high school movies, it felt like I was always hiding, you know? And now, I’msomeone. I have the chance to be more. And I want it so badly.” It felt foolish to even admit, but I knew Emily would understand. We’d both been outsiders here, the children of an immigrant, who grew up sharing clothes and living with less. I’d survived our teen years by keeping my head down and hoping to avoid notice, but the memories of being mocked by the cool, rich kids still hurt. Even after 15 years. As a lawyer, I finally felt like I belonged to something bigger than myself.
“I get it.” She reached over and squeezed my shoulder. “Just don’t forget to grab onto the things that make you happy too.”
I gave her a half smile. We sipped our wine and watched our movie and where I normally felt warm and content, I somehow felt restless. I hated how I had left things with Andrew, and I kept circling back to his shuttered expression when we had sparred.Had I gone too far?
I tapped my finger on my phone, considering. No chickening out. Turning over a new leaf meant bravery. I tapped out a quick text.
Margo Clarke
We need to talk
The same words he had sent me just days ago. His response came almost immediately.
Andrew Markman
Now? Is everything ok?
The unexpected sweetness sent my heart galloping.
Everything’s fine. I just want to make sure we start out on the right foot on Monday.
