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He scooped up his phone and overcoat and walked out. My face flamed. He would never trust me with anything.It didn’t matter.The pain in my chest told me otherwise.
20
Andrew
Iwatched TV with unseeing eyes. It felt like the right thing to do to take my mind off the mess from earlier, but Margo’s confusion and contempt were inked in my memory. I had always been aware of her mockery, her preconceptions about me and where I came from, but today it had been on display.
There was a soft knock at the door and I startled. Maybe it was one of the neighbors stopping by to introduce themselves? My jaw clenched when I saw Margo’s face in the peephole. I was not in the mood for this. I wanted to lick my wounds in peace and forget about today. I could pretend I wasn’t home, but in the spirit of peace I heaved a sigh and opened the door.
“Margo. What’s up?” I leaned against the door and crossed my arms. I saw her eyes flick over my bare chest and my grey sweats before her tongue darted out.That’s right sweetheart, this is the real me.I was done putting on a show for her. She made me fucking crazy and she was going to see it. All of my pain, all my lust, it was hers to bear. I let it shine through my eyes and saw hers go wide before she cleared her throat.
“Can I come in? I want to talk.”
“Does it look like I’m in the mood?” I looked her up and down. She looked soft and tousled and sexy in her yoga pants and sweater.
She caught me looking and reddened. “Actually, it looks like you’re busy.”
“I’m very busy and I would prefer not to be interrupted.” I let innuendo sink into my voice and saw her face flame even more. I huffed a laugh but stepped aside so she could come in.
My apartment was pretty bare, except for the massive armchair I had purchased and a few stacks of books. It was a sizable space, especially empty, but having her here made the air feel thin. My foolish desire for her made me even more annoyed.
“This is…spartan.” Her grimace said it all. “I guess you haven’t had much time to move things in?”
“Nope. I just don’t have much.” She was asking the wrong questions and I was done accommodating her. Not when I was off the clock.
“Ok. Well. I can see you’re in a great mood, so I’ll keep this short. I brought you a peace offering.” She dug into her pocket and pulled out a coaster.
“Just send it.”It featured a skier going down a mountain. She’d given this same coaster to me one day long ago, after we’d agonized for an hour over the formatting in a document. I’d thrown it away when I moved out of the office.
I shut my eyes at the memory.
I heard her set the coaster on the counter and I opened my eyes. She met them and took a step back.
“What are you playing at, Margo?” My voice came out rough.
Her dark eyes went wide and I saw her confusion flit across her face. She didn’t have any right to be confused. She’d goaded me and belittled me behind closed doors long enough.
“I’m not playing at anything. I came to apologize.”
“So apologize.” I shoved my hands into my pockets and her eyes dipped to where my sweats pulled down over my hips.
“Can you put a shirt on first?”
“No.” I liked making her uncomfortable, liked watching the little dips of her tongue out to swipe across her bottom lip. I wanted to taste her again.
“Why are you being so difficult?” She burst out. “I swear, you live to make my life hell. I’m trying, Andrew. You said you wanted to bury the hatchet, so here I am.” She spread her arms wide. “This is me, moving on from the past.” She waited a beat. I let her anger soak into me and waited for the rest. “You know what? This was a mistake. I thought we really could be friends again. But you will always look at me with contempt. Little country mouse who can’t get any respect from the big city hotshot. I should have known better.” Her words hit like arrows but her expression was self-loathing, like she believed all those times I had called her a country girl and thought less of herself for them. My gut twisted.
She turned to go. I couldn’t let her leave. “I was in love with you.” The words ripped from my chest.
She whirled, eyes wide. “What did you say?”
I cleared my throat. I desperately wanted to look away, to hide from this. “All those years ago, I was in love with you. You never realized?”
“No. I had no idea. None.” I couldn’t read her expression, but it didn’t seem like she was shutting down, so I continued.
“I had a conversation with Ben. You remember him? The senior associate who left not long after we made it to our second year?” She nodded warily. “Anyways, Ben told me my attachment to you wasn’t going to do me any favors, and if I wanted to get ahead, I need to keep my head down, grind my hours and not make too many friends.” I scoffed. “Worst advice I’ve ever gotten. I was crazy attracted to you, though. Remember the first night we went to Louise’s and you got smashed up against me? You probably don’t.” It had been a small moment seven years ago, but it was seared in my brain. But to my surprise, she nodded. “I wanted to kiss you that night. So badly.” My hands clenched, just as they had that night to keep from touching her. “A week later, I moved out of that office.”
I waited for the questions to come, feeling awkward. This was my biggest secret and it had felt like the right choice to share. Now, I wasn’t so sure.
