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He steps close enough to put his hands on my hips, fingers brushing the skin above the waistband of my boxers. It’s hard to pay attention to his words when his face is this near—if his goal is to distract me with his beauty, he’s doing a good job.
“You don’t want to?”
“Oh, I want to. But…is tonight really the night, Corwin? It’s been pretty shitty, and I don’t want you to regret it tomorrow. Maybe we should just go to sleep.” He’s been listening to me patiently, thumbs turning in small circles low on my pelvis. “Or we could do something else.”
This makes him smile. “Blowjobs instead of anal?”
I huff a laugh. “Sure.”
“You don’t want to have sex.” He clarifies, watching me carefully. He doesn’t sound upset, just curious—trying to puzzle me out. “Because of what happened tonight. Because of what I told you.”
“Sort of. It’s just…it’s a big step for you and there are other things we can do to…you know, work up to it. I don’t want you to make a decision about having sex tonight because you’re upset about your dad, and then regret it tomorrow.”I don’t want you to regret me, tomorrow.
“I wouldn’t regret anything. Not with you.” He says, confidently.
I bite my lip and search his face, noting the pallor of his face and the faint blue shadows beneath his eyes. He looks better than he did even an hour ago, but he still doesn’t look perfectly well. I want to wrap him in a blanket and hold him close, not fuck him. And maybe that’s the problem—he shared a part of himself with me tonight that he’s not told anyone else, and here I am wanting to treat him with kid gloves because of it. Sighing, I mirror him and place my hands on his hips.
“You’re sure you’re not just trying to…prove something to your dad? “Stick it to the man” type situation?”
A small smile appears on his face. “Are you kidding? I’m trying to prove something tomyself.” I laugh and his smile grows more apparent. He squeezes his fingers, putting pressure on my hips. His voice is small when he continues. “It’s not like I haven’t wanted to have sex with you the moment you walked into the locker room on that first day; I just had to work up to it, that’s all.”
Looking down at my hands, I run them up his sides and over his ribs. I’ve never had such easy access to so much of his skin before, with him sleeping in so much clothing. God, I want him so bad.
“It’s a big step, Corwin.” I say again, bringing my gaze back up to his. “And I know I’ve said this a dozen times before, but you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”
“I know that. And you don’t have to either.” He drops his hands, and probably would have stepped back if I wasn’t still palming his ribs. “If you’re not comfortable, let’s just go to sleep.”
I drop my head down onto his shoulder, groaning. He laughs, bringing one hand up to rub my shoulder. I can’t believe we’re really going to do this. NowI’mthe one who’s nervous—like I’ve been handed an egg and told I need to play a hockey game without breaking it. Pressing my lips to the warm skin of his shoulder, I trail my mouth up his neck, pulling back when I reach his jaw. His eyes are bright, faint color staining his cheekbones.
“Alright.” I agree, letting my hands travel across his chest and up to cup his face, I trace my thumb gently over his lips. “Let’s go to bed.”
“Really?” He asks.
“Really.”
I drop my hands, letting him step back. He’s smiling widely as he moves to the side of the bed and pulls back the sheets. He looks up at me, still unmoved from where I’m standing in the center of the room.
“Okay.” He hooks his thumbs into the waistband of his boxers. “What next? Should I take these off, or do you do that?”
He asks so sincerely I can’t help but laugh. Corwin Sanhover is a national fucking treasure. I walk to stand opposite him, leaning forward to pat the middle of the bed. “Just come here.”
He complies, sliding onto the mattress and laying on his back, legs outstretched and hands folded on top of his abdomen. Because I don’t want to deal with it later, I shuck off my underwear before putting a knee on the bed next to him. He eyes me as I lean over him, one hand braced against his shoulder as I angle myself down until my face is only inches from his.
“Lube? Condoms?”
“Oh, right.” He nods his head to the side. “Bedside table.”
I kiss him before reaching over and grabbing what I need. I rest back on my heels, tossing the stuff onto my side of the bed; Corwin sits up, suddenly.
“Uh, can I ask you something?” I nod, wondering if he’s having second thoughts now that the presence of the condom has made the scenario more real. “Who’s going to… uhm, which one of us is the…”
He trails off, squinting at the open air over my shoulder like he’s trying to read cue cards behind me. I put my hand on his thigh. I know what he’s trying to articulate.
“I don’t have a preference. Bottom or top, it’s up to you.”
He looks relieved that I didn’t leave him to flounder for the correct words. “I don’t want to… I’d like you to be on top, if that’s okay.”
“That’s okay.” I respond, and he lays back down, satisfied. His eyes are still on me, hands now resting on the bed. I spend a moment just tracing the lines of his thigh with my fingers, feeling the way his hair tickles against my palm.
