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He lifts his face. “Okay.”
“You want to change first?” I ask him, and he nods, looking relieved. I look to the shopping bags sitting by the front door. “I’ll grab those.”
I watch him retreat up the stairs to the bedroom, waiting until he’s out of view before grabbing his groceries. He joins me in the kitchen barely five minutes later, wearing his usual South Carolina Hockey hoodie and grey sweatpants. I’ve emptied the shopping bags, lining everything up on the island in a row. I have no idea what to do with any of it. Seeing the row of groceries, Corwin smiles.
“Just tell me what to do, boss.” I nod toward the counter.
He puts me to work, and we spend a few moments in comfortable silence. Eventually, he sighs and I look up to see him rubbing a hand over his jaw. He meets my eyes and smiles a soft, melancholy smile.
“Well, I made Troy feel like shit.” He tells me.
I wince. “Was it that bad?”
“No, but…I hurt his feelings, by not telling him that I’m gay. He got drafted to South Carolina and never lied about being gay—it looks like I just left him to navigate that on his own. Like I didn’t trust him enough to tell him, even though it’s something we have in common.”
I’ve stopped what I’m doing in favor of watching Corwin. His face is angled downward as he keeps his eyes on the knife in his hand, mahogany hair falling over his brow. Feeling me watching, he looks up.
“He used to live with me, for fucks sake. EvenIdon’t know why I didn’t tell him. Now that I’ve done it…what the hell was I waiting for?” He sounds exasperated. Frustration evident in the tight way he’s holding his shoulders and the stern set of his features.
“You were waiting until you were ready.” I respond, quietly. A muscle ticks in Corwin’s jaw as he clenches and unclenches it. He turns his face away, looking back down at the cutting board.
“Well, if I wasn’t such a fucking coward, I could have been ready long ago and avoided this whole situation.”
“Woah,” I abandon my side of the island, stepping around the corner toward him. I have to place a hand under his jaw and angle his chin upward to get him to look at me. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means I’ve spent my entire life afraid of my father. It means I was afraid of what happened with you, six years ago, and I was afraid to tell Lawson and Troy I was gay. And the only thing it’s gotten me is wasted fucking time.”
“Hey, stop.” I grab Corwin’s wrist as he tries to go back to prepping dinner. Stepping closer into his personal space, I force him to keep his gaze on mine. His eyes are bright, and there is more pain than anger in them. “Don’t do that.”
“It’strue.”
“Okay, so what? If you weren’t scared of your dad, I’d probably question your sanity. And what happened between us six years ago? That’s on me. Having self-preservation doesn’t make you a coward.”
“I wish I’d told them.” He says, voice small.
“I know.” I mimic his tone. Reaching for him, I cup my hand around the nape of his neck and brush my thumb down the line of his throat. “But nothing is going to change, in the end. Neither of them are going anywhere, nor will they treat you any differently.”
“No, I know.” He says, and I raise an eyebrow at him. “Really, I do. I guess I’m just used to being in control of situations, not the onecausingthe situation.”
I chuckle, swiping my thumb over his pulse point. “Sorry Captain, sometimes shit just hits the fan and you’ve got to roll with it.”
Puffing his cheeks, he blows out a hard breath. Stepping close, he wraps both arms around my waist and hugs me tight. He turns his face into the crook of my neck, making me smile. Sliding my hand up over the back of his head, I run my fingers through his hair. It still feels incredible, being able to touch him like this and not have to question how it will be received.
“Do you have a puck in your pocket?” Corwin murmurs into my neck, lips so close to my skin it tickles.
“Yeah. I was unpacking upstairs; it’s the puck from my first NHL goal.”
He laughs, a puff of warm breath making me shiver. “Shouldn’t you have that in a trophy case, or something?”
“Probably. I hope it’s okay that I unpacked before you got home. I tried to wait, but I was kind of going out of my mind being here alone.”
Corwin lifts his head, loosening his arms. I’m torn between wanting to pull him back into the hug and liking this development, because at least I can see his face. It dawns on me, suddenly, that I might be falling in love with him.
“Of course that’s okay. I’m glad you did. You live here.” He smiles, wide, like the truth of this just occurred to him. My stomach clenches in longing; Corwin, who’s beautiful at the worst of times, is stunning when he smiles.Shit. I am definitely falling in love with him.
“Do you still want to cook dinner? Or we could go upstairs and have sex again?” I suggest, making him laugh. He slaps a hand lightly against the side of my hip.
“Yes, dinner. Go sit down, I’ll do it.” He says, stepping around me and forcing me to turn in order to keep him in view. “If we have sex again, I might have trouble skating tomorrow.”
