Page 41 of My Noble Disgrace


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He shouted as we both fell backward.

His head hit the wet stone ground with a thud and I landed on him, his body cushioning my fall. I grabbed the light from his hand and jumped back up, about to run.

That was when I realized he was too silent, his body eerily still, and his neck was bent at an odd angle.

I leaned over him and picked up the strange light that had fallen from his hand. It was something like a metal torch with a bright beam emitting from one end. I pointed it at the man’s face.

Cold, lifeless eyes stared blankly upward. A stream of red flowed from the back of his head.

I clutched at my stomach, quickly growing queasy. I crouched and put my fingers to his neck, feeling no hint of a pulse under his skin. “No. No,” I said aloud. I felt disgusted but relieved, then disgusted at myself for feeling relieved.

I’d killed a man.

I hadn’t intended to, but he was dead all the same.

I dropped my head into my hands, trying to calm my racing heart. Breathing deeply, I forced myself back to the present. My feet felt frozen and my legs became impossibly heavy. I didn’t think I could go on like this.

With shaking hands, I pulled the radio from my burlap sack and pressed the button. “Come in, Cee,” I said, my voice hollow.

No response.

I tried again, but nothing happened. I wondered if I was too deep in the tunnel, blocking whatever mysterious technology this radio needed to work. I gave up and tucked it into my bag with fading hope.

I managed to get to my feet, gripping the light as I pointed it back at the dead Enforcer. As monstrous as I felt for letting the thought enter my mind, I knew I had to use his death to my advantage.

I propped up the light against the tunnel wall, removed the weapons from his belt, and tucked them into my bag. Next, my attention went to his Enforcer uniform, my fingers quivering and my stomach sick as I removed his boots. Then I went for his tailcoat, hefting the weight of his limp body.

Hot tears flowed down my cheeks as I claimed his clothing and belongings—until I’d stolen everything that had once been his, even his life.

When I found his gold rank card in his coat pocket, I hesitated, turning it over in my hands. I could use it, but it felttoo cruel. I wanted people to know who he was when he was found. I wanted him to keep one last bit of himself.

I took the pants I’d been wearing and tucked the card into the pocket, then secured them to the Enforcer, making sure the card would stay with him and wouldn’t get washed away.

I stepped back, the thump of my heart seeming to reverberate through the surrounding stone.

By the time I finished the grim task and continued through the tunnel, I didn’t look or feel like the person I’d been before. I wore a stolen uniform on my body and blood on my hands.

This was far from who I wanted to be, but at least I looked like an Enforcer.

I headed back upstream until I arrived near the grate. There, I got the radio back out. Bringing it to my mouth, I spoke as loudly as I dared, afraid of being overheard. “Come in, Cee.”

Cait’s voice erupted from the radio this time, quiet but clear. “Em? Where are you?”

I let out a quiet sob, relieved to have her here, in a sense. “Cee, I did something awful.”

“What happened?” she replied.

“An Enforcer found me—” I stopped, afraid to speak the truth out loud.

“But you got away?” She asked. “You’re okay?”

I hesitated, not sure if I could accurately be calledokay. My voice fell to a low monotone. “Yes . . . but he isn’t.”

“Oh.” She paused. “I’m so sorry.”

I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. “Are you safe?”

She laughed bitterly. “Safe? Yeah. Still sitting right where you left me. Even though I couldn’t bring myself to follow you, I haven’t been able to walk away either.”

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