Page 85 of My Noble Disgrace


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But not quite yet.

When I openedmy eyes in the morning, it was as dark as if they were still closed. With no sunlight, I had no sense of time or how long I’d slept. All I knew was that my sleep had been restless and tortured.

There was too much on my mind, but ideas were brewing. The first thing I wanted was to speak to Cait.

I felt for the flashlight on my night table and switched it on, then grabbed the radio from where I’d left it in my clutch.

I made sure it was on channel M before pressing the button. “Come in, Cee.”

I tried several more times, but I had the suspicion that here, like in the aqueducts, I was too deep underground. In addition, the tiny green lights had diminished to only one, and I remembered that it needed occasional sunlight to work.

Taking the radio with me, I left the bedroom and passed through the living room I’d been in with my father and Cael the night before.

No one was here. It seemed my father was still sleeping.

I went through the door into the tunnel where I’d first seen my father. Those first moments of being reunited with him had felt hopeful, as if we could move forward together, but after the way he’d talked to me last night, I deeply doubted I’d ever forgive him for the harm he’d caused me.

I took the staircase, the metal chilling my bare feet as I walked. At the top, in the windowless facade of a shed, dim sunlight peered through the cracks around the door. I unlocked the deadbolt and reached for the doorknob. It turned, but when I went to open it, it caught, remaining firmly closed.

I didn’t understand. It looked like it was meant to lock from this side to keep people out, not in, but of course, Cael would make sure I was contained. I was only a tool to him, an object to keep in a garden shed, only to be removed when needed, and hidden away the rest of the time.

Even if it weren’t locked, I wouldn’t have gone out into the grounds and risked being seen by the Ruskins, but the fact that I was locked in here without even being able to see the sun made me feel even more like a prisoner.

I held the radio up to the light that shone around the edges of the door, and the tiny green lights began to illuminate, flashing on and off in a sequence. It looked promising, so I held it there until two more of the lights stopped flashing and remained lit.

I tried the button again. “Come in, Cee.”

Almost immediately, Cait’s voice spoke through the radio. “Em! Where are you?”

“Cael’s grounds,” I said. “He has this weird underground cellar. My father’s here, and I’m safe but very stuck.”

“You found your father!” said Cait. “Sounds . . . nice.”

“Hardly.” I laughed, not wanting to spend a moment talking about how it had gone so far. “But where are you?”

“At your house with Lachlan,” said Cait. “I just read the paper and they say Pearce is dead following a heart attack. I don’t understand. You said he’d be okay.”

“He would’ve been,” I said, “but I was an idiot and left behind the brandy. I didn’t imagine he’d be able to drink it since he could barely move when we left him.”

Cait’s sigh came through the radio. “Now what will we do? He seemed motivated to make a deal to get Dominic back. We actually had a chance and now we have nothing.”

“I’m so sorry,” I said.

“I was hopeful that we might find a way to freedom,” she said.

“I still am hopeful,” I said. “We just need to figure out another way to the arsenal.”

“What’ll you do?” she asked. “Would you leave with us if we find something?”

“With Pearce dead, I think I have to. There’s nothing for me here but execution if anyone discovers what I’ve done.”

“What about Graham?” asked Cait. “You’d leave him?”

I paused. My heart was split. I didn’t like the idea of leaving Graham behind, or even my father, but it was time to stop living for others. “Yes, on the condition that we make sure Graham becomes king. I don’t want to leave the city under anyone else’s rule.”

“Okay,” said Cait, “I’m with you.”

“Thank you,” I said, once again grateful to have her, even if we didn’t always agree on how to accomplish our goals. The truth was that I could learn from her. I needed her to balance my idealism.

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