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“Say it like what?”
“As if that’s how I treat you.”
“But you do.”
“What?” She shifts back as if I just spat in her face.
I massage my temples. “All this is coming out wrong. What I’m trying to say is that you are opinionated, and I like that. It’s just that not everyone takes well to that kind of an approach.”
“I feel like you’re trying to backpedal now. First you use the word judgmental. Now you’re saying you meant opinionated. Travis, you aren’t an idiot. I think you meant judgmental, and after seeing my reaction you’ve decided to try and walk your comment back.”
“You know what? I can’t do this right now. I don’t have the energy to fight with you and convince you of what I meant to say or didn’t mean to say.” I switch off the stove and walk out of the kitchen and over to my mantle where I keep my keys. I snatch my bike keys up and head for the door.
“What? You’re just going to walk out and leave me here?”
“Yeah, I am, because if I stay I’ll just end up saying more things that you’ll misunderstand.”
“Oh, so I’m the problem? I’m being irrational and putting words in your mouth?”
I throw my hands up. “This is exactly whatI’m talking about!” I take in a deep breath, then say, “Paige, I really can’t have this conversation right now.”
I take my jacket off the hook by the wall and put it on. I’m about to leave, but then I pause.
I turn around and walk back to her. I raise my hand to her shoulder where I rub circles with my thumb. I place a kiss on her forehead. “Listen, I love you. I just need a minute.”
Then I turn around and walk out.
Minuteslater I’m hurtling down the streets of New York on my bike, again without my helmet. Perhaps a semi-truck will run me over. I would be forever grateful because that way I wouldnt have to deal with the mess I have created.
I ride and ride and ride until I find myself at the soup kitchen. I hadn’t consciously planned on coming here, but now that I am I might as well go in.
I spend the next couple hours helping out where I can. I don’t know what I’m going to say to Paige when I get back home. That’s if she’s even still there. I’m so fixated on my issues that I barely make any conversation with anyone. It’s also why I don’t hear Kelly walk up behind me as I’m doing some dishes.
“Hey there,” she says.
I jump. “Hey.” I lift a hand to my chest. “I didn’t see you there.”
“I’m sure. You’ve been very distracted tonight, even more so than usual.”
“What’s going on? Having lady troubles?”
I narrow my eyes at her. “How did you know?”
She waves her hand in front of her face and smiles. “You men think you’re so difficult to read, but you’re not. Plus, ifyou’ve lived as much life as I have, you can see these things from a mile away. Anyway, what’s going on?”
Normally, I wouldn’t discuss my personal business with anyone I’m not close to, but it occurs to me that an outsider’s perspective may be just what I need right now.
I sigh. “Where do I even start? It’s really complicated.”
“No, it’s not,” she interrupts.
“What?”
“Whatever is going on isn’t as complicated as you think it is.”
“How do you know? I haven’t even told you what the problem is.”
She shrugs. “I don’t need to know what the problem is. Things are never as complicated as we make them out to be in our minds.” She pauses for a moment in reflective, then says, “You know I lost my family a few years ago, right?” her voice sounds choked.
