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I tap the edge of the counter with all of my fingertips. “No, of course not.”
Tasia just arches a shaped eyebrow.
“Maybe I should cancel,” I blurt out. Besides the weird vibes, the last thing I need to do is turn up looking like I should be escorting a nine-year-old to the bathroom.
I mean, I want to make a good impression, too.
What was I thinking when I dressed in this outfit?
Tasia narrows her gaze and crosses her arms over her torso. “He’s really getting under your skin, isn’t he?”
My eyes snap to hers. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means,” she begins, drawing out the words, “you’re not usually this neurotic. A little nutty, sure. But this is a bit much. What’s going on in that head of yours?”
So many of the emotions I’ve been trying to tamp down bubble up.
My eyelids flutter as I try not to cry. Instead, I take a deep breath through my nose and whisper, “I don’t know.”
But I do know.Sorta.
“You were supposed to have coffee with him two weeks ago,” she presses.
“I know,” I murmur, still looking at the ceiling so I don’t let the tears threatening to spill over loose.
“You said you had a great time last night,” she continues.
“I know.I did.”
“Quinn loves him already.” Tasia laughs. “He couldn’t stop gushing about how much fun he had last night with the two of you. He’s practically adopted London.”
I snicker under my breath. “It was a lot of fun.”
“So, what is it? What’s going on?”
He looks really good and I don’t know why that’s getting to me. He’s funny and gets along with Quinn—who is notoriously hard to please. He has tattoos and they’re oddly hot, even though tattoos have never been my thing. I want to know what they all mean. And he makes me feel …things. Things I have no right to be feeling as a married woman. And, oh yeah,I suck.
I take another deep breath and meet her confused expression. Holding it for a moment, I finally confess, “Being with London feels different than being around other guys—clients. We have a history, and I don’t know what Seth would think.”
“You haven’t talked to him about London?” Tasia prompts gently.
I point my index finger at her. “Very astute.”
“Well, you’re just friends. Right? I don’t see why Seth would care.” She narrows her eyes. “Unless there’s some reason heshouldbe worried.”
I break out into a cold sweat.
All of the Dirty B’s have been very vocal about their feelings about my marriage. While they don’t think Seth is Satan or anything, they think we’ve grown apart.
They’re not wrong. It’s just—I wasn’t ready to give up on things yet. But maybe it’s because I didn’t have a reason to really question it.
“No—I mean, I don’t know.Maybe?” I whisper.
The whites around her dark brown irises appear. “Maybe?”
“I don’t know what it is about him, Tash. When I’m with him, there’s this weird buzz of energy in the room. I’m feelingthings—things I haven’t felt in a really long time. Maybe since the last time I waswith him. I don’t know what any of it means and the last thing I want to do is put myself into a situation I might regret,” I say by way of word vomit.
She watches me intensely and I expect her to tell meI only live once. Or that I should follow the signs my body’s giving me—because, let’s face it, Tasia is a rebel when it comes to all things sex and relationships.
