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Out in the water, Kai whooped with excitement as he sailed through the air on his board and caught the curling front of a wave. Visir smiled at the sight.
“Sometimes it still doesn’t feel real,” he said. “Like it shouldn’t have been possible. I never thought I’d fall in love.”
“I didn't think you would either. It was quite a shock for me when I found out. Maybe I’d believed that even though Thran had found a mate, you and I would keep doing what we always did. We’ve always had a similar appetite for pleasure.”
“Are you hesitant about your feelings for him because you still want to have fun? Or… are you hesitant because you aren’t sure if you’re chasing something you don’t want?”
“Even after you and Thran were mated, it didn’t change my mind about anything. I didn’t feel left out or jealous if that’s what you’re asking. I thought, ‘more for me!’ I was ready to fuck every alpha on this island.”
Visir laughed. “But then you got pregnant.”
“And now all I want is Ari.”
“Then trust that feeling,” he said.
I groaned and flailed around in the sand. “Dammit! This is all so frustrating. Sometimes it seems like he really sees me, and then sometimes it feels like it’s all for the sake of the baby. And I’d much rather do this alone than bind myself to someone who’s holding themselves back. I don’t need that in my life.”
“Maybe Ari feels the same way?” Visir suggested with a gentle smile.
“Eh? How so?”
“I’ve not spent as much time with him as you have. But I feel he’s more sensitive than he lets on. Maybe he feels you holding yourself back, too. Maybe he’s also afraid.”
“What does he have to be afraid of?” I said. “All I want is unrestricted access to his deepest, darkest feelings. Is that so much to ask?”
“Istil…”
“I’m joking. Well, partially, at least.”
“May I remind you, you still haven’t told the clan. Thran doesn’t even know, and you’re not exactly newly pregnant.”
I winced. Visir was soft-spoken but could sting if he wanted to. He was right—I wasn’t doing the best job at being vulnerable, either. And I was avoiding sending the news of my pregnancy through the gate. The longer I put that off, the more difficult I was going to make things for myself having to explain why I’d waited so long to say anything. And I didn’t even want to think about what would happen if I gave birth before telling Thran.
“I know,” I said. “I’ll need to tell him soon.”
“When?”
“Soon.”
“Istil… What are you so worried about? He’ll be happy, and the clan will be happy. We need the babies.”
“Yes, and the Elders are going to tell me that I need to keep my child—Ari’s child—at Silver Mountain. They’re going to say she belongs with the Othos, because we need the babies. And I can’t imagine the Elders will allow a second of their best Protectors to stay away.”
Visir had a certain gleam in his eye. “Really, who will stop you, Istil? Our lives are our own. I know it doesn’t feel that way with how we grew up, but it is true. There’s duty, obligation, tradition… But there’s also the life we choose to live, and the balance between them. And you know that whatever you decide, Thran will have your back. He’d go up against the Elders and the entire clan for the two of us.”
Working side by side with my cousins had always been the best part of being a Protector. We’d done so much as one. We’d struggled through the brutal training of our youth. We’d gone out in the forest together to quietly watch over the humans of Silver Mountain. We’d spooked away and fought back many trespassers who wanted to harm our home. And we’d even gone up against the mountain itself. And now, so quickly, it seemed like those days were behind us.
We’d always be together, of course—but never like before. I was going to have a baby, and for the first time ever, it felt like being a Protector was the least important thing in my life. That thought would’ve disturbed me before all this happened. Now, it just seemed obvious.
“Thanks, Visir,” I said. “I needed the reminder—though I’m still going to have to work up my courage to finally get there and share the news with Thran.”
“Want me to reach out? It might be a slightly less overwhelming experience if Thran came here, rather than you showing up through the gate belly first.”
“Okay,” I said, laughing. “I think that would be a good idea.”
Makoa and Kai walked up the beach, holding their boards balanced atop their heads. They thrust the wakka into the sand when they reached us.
“You guys just gonna sit here all day?” Mako asked. “The water is perfect.”
