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And I don’t mean that literally.
I think…
“How have the nightmares been?” Doctor Collins asks, keeping his yellow notepad on his lap, ready to jot down how messed up I still am.
“They have been the same.” I shrug. “Maybe I need more meds.”
I hate taking them. I just want to feel better.
But will that ever happen? Will I stop being trapped in the hell that was once my home? Will I find monsters everywhere I turn?
I just want this all to stop. I want to forget. Move on. Heal. But I can’t. I fucking can’t!
With a silent scream, I let the anger consume me. But the good doc can’t see it. I hide it all too well.
“We can try something different since you’re at the highest dose right now. Have you considered yoga or meditation?”
I bite back a laugh.Pretty sure I’m too far gone for that.
“I’m still boxing. I like it.”
He nods through a squint. “Well, that is a good outlet too. But meditation and yoga may help center you, so you can try both if that’s what you want.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
Not happening. I don’t want to sit there doing some breathingexercises. That’s not me.
“Have you considered talking in group? It may help to talk to others about what happened. Women like you who understand.”
“I’m not ready to sit in front of a bunch of people and tell them how many times I was raped.”
He winces. I said it so casually. But I forget most normal people aren’t used to someone speaking about that kind of thing so plainly.
I should change the subject. Maybe bring up Chris again and tell him all about how much I hate having a bodyguard.
And if Chris ever finds out about the other murder, he’ll tell Michael, who’ll probably ship me off to some psych ward to be condemned for eternity.
Life is great!
The doctor’s alarm beeps, signaling that our time is now over.
Thank God.
“If you need me before our next session…” he says. “You have my number.”
“Thanks, yeah. I’ll see you next week.”
I scurry out of there, passing by Jade’s office next door. She’s really an angel on earth. She went through something even worse than we did. Having been raped by Agnelo, she got pregnant. But as soon as her son, Robby, was born, that bastard took him away. Robby was raised by Agnelo’s daughter, Aida. A girl who was every bit his victim too.
Jade talks fondly of Aida, and Robby adores her. She’s happy he had someone kind looking after him.
Robby is eight now and back with Jade. But before that, she’d only get to see him once a month, year after year. I don’t know how she endured.
Look at her now, though. Reunited with her son, in a healthy relationship, running this place so well… It brings tears to my eyes.
She has changed so many lives already, giving these women a place to call home, a family who will protect them at all costs. Many of the girls the Bianchis kidnapped were runaways and addicts. They took the ones they thought no one would miss.
But they matter. Every single woman they ruined matters. We’re all human beings. And look what they did to us.
