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“Is the doctor coming today?” I asked her, breaking the uncomfortable silence between us.
She sighed. “Yes, yes. He said he would come check on your father today. He seems to be gaining his strength back these days. My dear, with that in mind, are you sure you want—”
“I’ve made my decision,” I said firmly.
Lina nodded solemnly, and it broke my heart to see her so disappointed. Even though she had been the one to encourage my arranged marriage in the beginning, she hadn’t stopped sighing and frowning since I actually agreed to it.
When I had seen Father for the first time after returning, he was pale and cold. I hadn’t seen him so weak since Mother had passed. I had never known that his heart had started to fail him since the day of her funeral.
That’s why his business was failing.
And that’s why he had betrothed me to Monsieur De Villiers.
Now that I had returned, Father was healing, but I couldn’t bring myself to give him any bad news lest his heart failed completely. He was already teetering on death, and I couldn’t be what sent him over the edge. Regardless of my life before this one, I still loved Father and Mother dearly, and it was still painful to lose them both.
So I agreed to the marriage.
I knew now how small my human life was compared to my eternal one, and I was willing to make this sacrifice for a short time. Maybe I would be freed at death and put in another body. Or perhaps, when I was widowed and my future children grown, I could go back to the den.
I would have to think about the long-term later. I could only think of keeping my father alive now.
My room was scattered with white veils, ribbons, shoes, and pearls that belonged to my mother. I kept my hand on her necklace, praying that she would guide me through.
I didn’t know how much strength I had.
Knock, knock, knock.
Lina and I both turned to a face I hadn’t expected to see.
My betrothed.
“Mademoiselle Esmeralda and Madame Lina,” Captain De Villiers said, tipping his hat at us individually. “Have I caught you at a bad time?”
“Of course not, Monsieur De Villiers,” I said. “You’re always welcome.”
I stepped away from the mirror to face him. He gave me a quick glance and a warm smile.
“You look quite lovely,” he said sincerely. “I was wondering if I might speak with you, my dear.”
I nodded to him in agreement and motioned for Lina to give us some privacy. She shut the door behind us. Monsieur De Villiers took off his hat and coat, placing them on the chair next to him.
I had only met with Monsieur De Villiers a few times since I had returned, but never alone. He always brought doctors with him to look after Father, and our conversations had been nothing but small talk with my father in his bedroom.
Monsieur De Villiers had been paying for all of father’s medical expenses, according to Lina. He never breathed a word of it, and he never made me feel like I owed him.
“I wanted to see how you were feeling,” Monsieur De Villiers said.
“I have nothing to complain about,” I replied. “My father is beginning to recover, and I’m home once more.”
He nodded in thought. “Of course, of course. But I was thinking more of your feelings toward this wedding, my dear.”
I tried not to show my shaky breath as I exhaled. I lifted my skirts and sat on the bench next to the window, unsure of how to answer. He stepped forward and sat down next to me.
“Arrangements like ours are not uncommon,” he said, “and your father thought the best way to protect you was to make this arrangement. He knew his health was failing, and he couldn’t find any other means to provide for you.”
I gripped my hands in my dress, frustration pricking the back of my eyes. “Why didn’t he tell me he was sick? I would have—”
“You would have worked yourself to the bone in his place,” he finished for me. “Your father would have become even further ill with guilt if that were to happen, and he would have sentenced himself as a failure as a father. I understand him. I already feel like a lifetime isn’t long enough to make up for my lack of care regarding Jacques and his mother, and I would despise myself should anything happen to my two daughters.”
