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MynameisRubyVaughn, and I’m an expert on how not to live.
I’m not sure when it all started—my toxic love/hate relationship with making terrible decisions. I could say that it was when I met him; that’d be the easy thing to do, but it doesn’t feel right. No, it was earlier—back when I was young and hopeful and thought that good things happened to good people and bad things only happened if you deserved it. Then, I got the bad things, and the world began to chip away at all the little things that made me ‘me,’ and I told myself that I must have deserved it.
Did I deserve it?
“Ruby, I need two more of the Scottish Kilt Lifters and three tequila shots.”
“Got it,” I tell Aria. It’s Friday night at The Post Office. Not the place where you send your mail—or at least not anymore. It used to be an actual post office. Now, it’s a bar. The owner, Dane, got super creative with the name. But the vibe is good and so are the drinks. Admittedly, as the bartender, I may be a little biased, but I am good at what I do. My pour hand is always a bit heavy, and more so as the night goes on, but I haven’t gotten many complaints, and I wouldn't take them to heart if I did. In fact, I try not to make a habit of taking much of anything to heart.
I get Aria her order and make my way down the bar, making sure that everyone has a full drink before I go. It’s past one, which means I’m done for tonight, and a little bit earlier than usual. I grab my coat and I’m about to head out the door when I spot a familiar face across the bar.
Alex. He’s the guy in the apartment above mine. But not just that, he’s one of my closest friends. But not just that either, if I’m being honest. I must have been way too in my head tonight. I didn’t even notice him come in, and he isn’t really the type of person who you just don’t notice.
“Ruby!” he says, waving me over. Cori turns around and waves at me, smiling. It guts me a little, even now, after seven months of seeing them together. It’s kind of my fault, really. Cori used to work here too, and I didn’t mean to set them up. I didn’t know when I invited Alex to drink with us that he would take her home. I didn’t know when he took her home that they’d be inseparable from that point on. It was a relief for me when she finished school this summer and moved on to bigger things. I’d liked her from the moment I met her, but it was hard working with her afterward. She became one of those people who gave me that sinking feeling.
I couldn’t blame her, of course. How could she have known? I didn’t say anything, and there wasn’t much to say, really. I met Alex; we hit it off. He helped me move in and we stayed up all night talking. The next day was the same, and then the next. And then after a night of drinking, we came back to my apartment, and he kissed me and told me that we could never be together. That was that. The next day, he went on like nothing happened, and so did I. We stayed friends and we got closer, and it got harder instead of easier. I waited for it to wear off, but it never did. He'd call me his best friend, but it seemed like more than that. It was deeper than that. The only problem is that, apparently, I was the only one who noticed.
“Hey, guys. Um…I am super tired, I really can’t stay,” I tell them. What a bummer.
“Oh, come on, Ruby, just one shot,” Alex says smiling, his hand grabbing mine. “Sit with us.”
“Yes, please sit with us, Ruby!” Cori says.
So, I sit, and as I am wont to do, I take the one shot, and then I need a couple more because I’m sitting in the middle of my pain, and I don’t know why I do this to myself. I ask her about her new job, and she tells me about it enthusiastically. I zone out, focus on my face. Why does she have to be so fucking nice? It just makes me feel terrible for feeling the way I do.
Maybe I’m the bad guy in this story.
“So yeah, it’s going amazing. My boss is the coolest guy, the office is really chill. The only thing that sucks is the commute. I’ve been telling Alex that I think I will need to move further north so I can get some of my life back,” she says.
“Yeah, but then it will be harder to see you than it already is. You pretty much live there already. Ruby, what would you say if Dane wanted you to work 10-hour days?” Alex asks.
“That’s not the same at all, Alex. I’m still trying to establish myself there. I’m trying to differentiate myself…”
“I’d say…thanks for the money?” I offer with a shrug.
“Anyway, Ruby, what is new with you?” she asks.
“Nothing,” I tell her. Nothing is ever new with me. Not for a while, anyway.
“Are you seeing anyone?” she asks, innocently. Does she really have no idea?
“No, she isn’t seeing anyone,” Alex answers.
“I’m not askingyou; I’m askingher. Just because you’re neighbors doesn’t mean you know everything about her. You forget we worked together. Long, late shifts. Into the wee hours of the night. I know a lot about her, too. Things you don’t know, I’m sure.”
“Oh, really?" he says, giving me a look. I’m not sure what it was. Intrigue, maybe? Curiosity? Something else?
“There’s no one,” I say plainly. “I’m not seeing anyone.”
“What about Scooter Guy?” she asks. “You know he only came in here for you.”
“Scooter Guy is…no. First of all, we called him Scooter Guy. And secondly, operating a scooter drunk is still drunk driving, no matter what he says.”
“Okay,” she says, taking a sip from her whiskey and coke. “That’s fair, I guess. He was funny, though.”
“Yeah, he doesn’t really come around anymore. It’s weird how the crowd changes. I wonder, sometimes,” I say, “where they go, you know?”
