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“I don’t really have another option right now, Devon.”
“Just five more minutes,” he says, wrapping his arms around me. “Okay?”
“Okay,” I tell him.
I decide to rest my eyes…just for a minute.
“Shit. Ally, wake up. The sun is starting to come up. We have to go.”
I open my eyes and take in my surroundings—the interior of the car, the fog on the windows, the warmth radiating from Devon in direct contrast to the chill in the air and over my body anywhere we aren’t touching.
“God, it’s fucking freezing,” he says. He climbs into the front seat, starts the car, and turns on the heat. “I’m sorry, Ally. I fell asleep. It’s almost 7:00 AM.”
“Shit. We need to go.”
I climb into the front seat as he pulls out of the parking lot.
“What do you want to do?”
“Um, just drop me off near the house, but away from the camera. She may still be asleep.”
It won’t really matter after today, anyway. I don’t tell him that.
Devon turns down my street a few minutes later and parks about two houses down.
“Text me when you can, Ally. Let me know that you’re okay,” he says.
I suck in a breath. “I will. It might…be a while. But Iwilltext you. I’ll let you know when I’m okay.”
He leans in, brushes some hair away from my face, and kisses me. “I love you, Ally.”
“I love you, too. And I want you to be happy…all the time, no matter what that means. Even if it’s without me. I’d be okay with it if you wanted to move on. I wouldn’t blame you.”
He furrows his brows. “Ally, what are you talking about? I don’t want that.”
“Right…okay. I just wanted to say it. I’ll text you when I can.”
I throw my arms around his neck, then pull back and study his face, looking into his eyes. I take it all in, committing it to memory as best I can so I’ll remember that, at one point, I had something good—a light in a dark place. And I took the time to realize how good it was while I was still in it.
I’ll remember a cold October night in a dark, empty parking lot and hope the memory will keep me warm enough to get through all the others.
My lower lip starts to quiver; I bite down on it and try to hold back the tears.
“Bye, Devon.”
“Bye, pretty girl. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I force a smile, then get out of the car and head for the side of the house and the half-bathroom window. I climb inside, close itbehind me, then slowly open the door and peer out into the living room. It’s still dark and quiet. I don’t hear a TV or smell any food. I step out into the room and hold my breath as I cautiously make my way up the staircase. Once I get to the landing, I can’t stop myself from running to my room.
I close the door behind me and let out the breath I’ve been holding.
He’ll be fine—probably better even. He’ll understand.
But, god, I’ll miss him. I can’t imagine letting anyone else touch or hold me ever again, not when the thought alone makes me sick.
I hear Grace’s bedroom door open and dive under the covers, pulling them up to my chin and turning to face the wall. I hear her bare feet against the hardwood floors until they stop in front of my bedroom door. She stays there for a few seconds before it flies open.
“Get up,” she says. “Get dressed. We’re going to church.”
