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“If it makes you feel better, the money isn’t for me. It’s for a good cause.”
“Fuck you, kid. Get the fuck out of my face.”
“Friday,” I tell him. “Don’t forget. Oh, and for the record, I think you’re a pussy, but if you were thinking of doing anything to me, I have told people about this. They’ll know.”
I flash him a smile as I leave the room, hoping he hadn’t noticed my hands or my voice shaking. I take a deep breath and try to steady myself.
‘He deserves it,’I remind myself.
Still, there’s a part of me that feels guilty—not for doing it for him, but because he’ll keep doing this when it’s all said and done, and he’ll keep getting away with it, too.Thatpart weighs heavy on my conscience.
I make a mental note to do something about it, but that will have to wait until Ally and the money are long gone.
School feels different for me now. It feels like the night of Darci’s memorial or that first week all over again—the week after Devon was arrested and Mark and Grace let me go back to school. I feel their eyes on me. I hear them get quiet, but I don’t know what they want from me. I don’t know what he wants from me, either.
Before volleyball practice last night, I submitted a request for a schedule change, and I was surprised to see how quickly it was completed and without asking any questions. Maybe they knew about what happened in art, too.
So now I’m in seventh period art and first period PE with Mr. Parks. And I shouldn’t need to worry about running into Devon in any of my other classes because…well…
One of us is stupid, and it’s me.
I hope that makes him feel better—that maybe it brings him some peace when he realizes he won’t have to look at me for the next few days, and then I’ll be gone.
But I also hope—just a little bit—that maybe he’ll miss me.
I’m reminded of just how much he won’t miss me when I run my hands through hair that isn’t there and again in the lunchroom when he walks in with Audrey. His arm is around her waist; she leans into him and laughs at something.Nails on a chalkboard.That’s what he said her voice sounded like. I notice his hand is inside the back of her shirt before they part ways, and she sits beside me at the table.
“Hey, Ally,” she says.
I can’t even bring myself to fake something nice, to pretend. I’ve done so much of it, and fuck…I’m just so done now. So, I say nothing.
“What?” Audrey asks. When I still don’t answer, she poses the question to the group. “What’s her problem?”
“It’s probably weird seeing you with Devon,” Morgan says. “It’s a shit move.”
“Why? If all that stuff about them wasn’t true, then it shouldn’t matter if I am with Devon.”
“That’s even more reason to stay away from him. What would Darci say?” Morgan asks.
“I don’t…I don’t care,” I say finally. “Devon can do whatever he wants. But…I’m not going to sit here anymore.”
“What?” Audrey asks. “What do you mean?”
“Yeah, Ally…just chill,”Trevor adds.
“We’re not friends, Audrey,” I tell her. “I don’t want to sit by you. Darci was my friend—I think—but we wereneverfriends. And I don’t want to be here anymore.”
I stand up from my seat and start to gather my things.
“What the fuck?” Audrey exclaims, jumping out of her chair, too.
“Would you both just chill the fuck out?Chill out,” Morgan says. “Ally, of course, Audrey is your friend. And Audrey—the last thing our group needs right now is this kind of drama.”
“I don’t like her,” I say. “I don’t think I’ve ever liked her.”
“Fuck you, Ally. I should beat your ass.”
I laugh before I close the space between us. “You could try.”
