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Certainly they were tender and kind both in and out of the bedroom. And they made me feel things I’d never experienced before. Passion, joy…welcome in their home. Any girl in her right mind would be glad to spend time with these three, thrilled to be able to have them in her bed, and ready for a life of comfort and security such as they promised.
I sat in the living room, reading a book from their library, or pretending to. They went about their day, moving in and out. Menace left to go do training, something I needed to start doing with him if I was going to stay. The security they offered me should be a two-way street, right? If I had the ability to fight for myself…or maybe even defend one of them them in a dangerous situation. Yes, it was hard to imagine a situation where they could not handle themselves, but I’d never have imagined the circumstances that had me signing up for the app and winding up here in these beautiful mountains.
Of course, they didn’t say they loved me or anything. Why would I expect them to? They were fulfilling their part of the deal completely, but then they said my heart was safe with them, and I knew why I couldn’t do this.
I continued to sit and think while life went on around me. Draven was in the kitchen reworking a recipe for a client, one of those subscription boxes. I wasn’t sure what it was, exactly, since I hadn’t asked, but the enticing aroma of onions and garlic floated into the living room to tickle my nose. Spending time inthe kitchen with him was one of my most favorite things, but until I thought this all through, I needed to just stay here and think.
“Ilya, I brought you a sandwich. You didn’t come into the kitchen for lunch.” Draven set a tray on the low table in front of me. “Or anything.”
They were all acting like nothing happened, while I was in complete turmoil. Sure, he fed me, but he didn’t sit down to keep me company while I hate. Wouldn’t that be the thing to do? After you’ve opened the door to lovemaking. More than opened the door. They’d shown me what it could be like to be close to them and managed to do something quite extraordinary and soul rending.
I’d fallen in love.
What a disaster.
I came here to have a safe comfortable life with no chance of being hurt or betrayed, and out of all of us, I was the only one in danger of ruining this very good thing. But I feared I wouldn’t be able to stick to the agreement. Technically, I supposed I could love them, even if they didn’t love me… But if I burst into tears every time we had sex because my foolish heart wanted it to be lovemaking, that might be a problem. They expected me to hold up my end of our deal…but could I?
I just wasn’t sure.
Pushing aside the tray, I stood up and went to my room. Being with them but not fully was too hard. “I’m going to take a nap.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Draven
“We need to talk. Now.” I motioned to my friends while walking toward my bedroom. It was the farthest from Ilya’s. She’d turned down lunch, claiming she wanted to take a nap, but there was more than that. The scent of frustration and hurt filled the air and, when I spoke to her, asking if she wanted to eat, there was no reply.
Our mate was hurting.
“Is she sick? What’s happening? There’s a storm within me. I don’t know what it is.” Menace rubbed his fist over his sternum.
They came into my bedroom, and I shut the door. “She’s upset, and I think I know why.”
“Why?” Saber asked.
“Because what we shared last night wasn’t only sex. All of us know it. And so does Ilya. I know she came here with a no-romance clause, but none of us were prepared for this.”
“It was sex. We promised her we would care for her and have sex. She knew we were orcs. I mean, I told her we care about her.” Saber was right but at the same time, he was very wrong.
“We don’t just care about her,” I said.
Menace raised his hands and rubbed at both temples. “We had an agreement.” I didn’t know if he was reminding himself or the rest of us.
“Fuck the agreement,” I said. “She’s my mate. Not a mate in the way that she’s only going to bear us children, either. She’s my mate as in Fate made her for me. She’s the match to my soul.”
Saber and Menace were quiet while I paced the room. My mind was going in all kinds of directions, and most of them weren’t good. My chest tightened.
“She’s my fated mate as well,” Saber grumbled. I thought the grumbling was because he was angry until he smiled and shook his head. “I don’t even know why I was hiding it. I knew the moment she was bare before us—maybe even before that.”
“She can’t be. Ilya can’t be our fated mate. Orcs don’t get happily ever afters.” Menace stood, growling.
“Maybe we do. There were a couple of them in the old rage. You don’t remember?” I asked, trying to meet his eyes but no dice. He was nailing the floor with all of his anger and frustration.
“I remember. Then they were all slaughtered.”
Saber’s head ticked up. “Is that what you’re afraid of, Menace?”
Menace stomped over to Saber and poked his finger right in our friend’s chest. “I’m not afraid of anything.”
