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“Thank you for giving me everything. You have done everything, Jackson. Everything.”
My hands travel up her thighs. “You are naked under my shirt.”
Her cheeks turn pink as she stares down at me.
“Such a good fucking girl.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Presley
Aweekagotoday,Jackson told me they found my old therapist. She was so amazing back when I was younger when my parents let me go to therapy. I may have only seen her a few times, but I knew when Jackson told me they found her I immediately wanted to see her again and see if she could help me now.
I called her the next morning, and she had availability to get me in. She cried when we spoke and told me how she tried to convince my parents to at least let me continue sessions or video chat and we’d never tell anyone, but they said no.
It’s another thing that makes me wary of seeing them. I don’t want stress through this pregnancy, so I don’t think I will be able to bring myself to talk to them and work things out before the baby is born. Maybe a year or so from now I could open that box, but right now I have other things to work on, and they won’t be at the top of that list. They have reached out a few other times to the club, but Rage keeps them at bay and made it known that they are not allowed to show up here without my permission. I know someday I will want to talk to them but mentally, I can’t prioritize it right now.
Tomorrow is my first session. We are starting off in person, and it’s about thirty minutes away from here.
I finally got my car from my apartment so I can drive myself and get some much-needed alone time. Jackson isn’t happy about me going alone, but I got Rage to back me up, which ended up helping. Since Rage is his president, he just told him he’d create a job for him to do if he didn’t let me go alone. Watching Jackson have to hold in any snarky comments he wanted to make to his prez was quite amusing for me.
The guys had people go in and clean out my apartment. I don’t want to ever go back there so it got completely cleaned out and scrubbed down and I now no longer have it. Jackson and I are looking at a few places to rent in the next few weeks, and hopefully one of them will work.
Honestly, I was really fucking sad that we can’t build a house on the property for a few years, but as long as we are close, it will be okay.
Now I am in the bathroom getting ready. I never thought that today would be going how it is. Instead of being in the hospital giving birth to my daughter, I am standing in front of my mirror wearing a black dress with simple makeup and curling my hair. Grayson came up with the idea to give her a memorial. He said that he and the other boys, along with Blade, did this for his brother. He was in a bad situation at home, so he grieved with his chosen family. There was no body, just like there will be no body today, but he said they dropped little reminders or tokens in a box and buried it under the headstone.
Which is what we are going to do. Jackson, Grayson, Ryker, and I are going to head over to have a mini celebration for my sweetling. Last night was one of the roughest nights I have had when it comes to nightmares. I think they were worse because I am already anxious about today. As much as I feel ready to do this, to get a proper goodbye, today feels gloomy. Almost as if a storm is right on the horizon ready to hit and that storm will be my emotions.
A light tap on the door has me turning to and almost dropping the curling iron as my mouth pops open. Standing in the doorway is a god. The most devastatingly handsome man I have ever seen. He shaved his beard, so it’s nicely trimmed and combed out. His hair is slicked back perfectly. He has on black jeans, with his boots, and a black button-up long-sleeve. The top few buttons are undone so you can just barely see part of a tattoo on his skin.
He walks towards me, but I don’t take my eyes off of him. Jackson usually looks good, but seeing him put together is just as hot as when he stands in front of me butt ass naked. A finger comes under my chin and lifts my face up to meet his.
“Oh, to know what is going through that brain of yours to have you looking at me like that.”
“Nothing,” I blurt. “Literally nothing. Just you. Seeing you. God, Jackson, you are so hot. How even—” I am cut off when he grips my chin tighter and spins us so we are facing the mirror. Me still holding the curling iron and Jackson standing behind me.
He presses up against me, making me feel the hard bulge pushing into my back. His large hand wraps around my waist and holds onto me.
“Look in the mirror. Look at yourself, angel.” I lock eyes with myself in the mirror. “Good girl. This woman? This strong woman standing here, she isn’t beautiful. She is fucking gorgeous on the inside and outside. You are everything anyone could ever want and more. Don’t doubt yourself or talk down about yourself. Look at those eyes, Presley. They hold the power. They also hold everything you have been through and look at what they get to see today. Your strength. Your beauty. Your power. Your courage.”
My eyes water, but I do my best to blink them away, not wanting to ruin my makeup. I clear my throat and meet his eyes through the mirror. “I’m almost done.”
He smiles and nods as he backs away, giving me enough space to finish. My mind races with everything that he said. This is one of the times that I struggle the most. When part of my mind sees those things he said and believes them, the other part—the one that always wins—doesn’t believe him and only sees the ugly and the never-ending guilt. The weak woman.
Shaking my head, I attempt to clear the thoughts and finish up. A few minutes later, we head downstairs and meet Ryker and Grayson at the door. I look around the room and notice how empty it is. “Where is everyone?”
Jackson shrugs. “Working or off doing their own thing. Ready?”
“No,” I sigh as I take his outstretched hand and we leave.
When we get to the cemetery, nerves kick in, and I pinch the palm of my hand as I attempt to calm my breathing. Five steps. Go through the steps.
My door opens, and Jackson leans in, meeting my terrified eyes. “You can do this, angel.”
“I can do this,” I whisper to myself more than say to Jackson.
We get out and head towards the area that we are meeting the workers. As we approach, I see a bunch of people standing around all wearing black. My feet stop as I think we are approaching someone else’s funeral, but then one face turns slightly. Rage. I start to take in more of the other people and see them all.
