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It’s not a simple task, but it is one I feel ready to conquer. And now, I know I can with my family at my back.
Goodbye, my sweetling.
We all head back to the compound and decide to have a BBQ to close out the day. I find comfort in being surrounded by everyone and let myself breathe. Take it one day at a time. Today, I relax and enjoy the company and celebrate. I watch everyone moving around the back patio and yard, taking in the laughter from the boys messing around. The grill is fired up with all sorts of food cooking.
It may seem like horrible timing, but Jackson and I are ready. So as everyone sits down to eat, we stand. Instantly all eyes are on us, and I take a deep, calming breath as I clutch onto Jackson’s hand. Some of them already know, but most don’t.
“We have something we want to say,” he starts.
“This has been a hard road for all of us. It has taken its toll, but through the storm that has been constantly brewing, there have been little miracles,” I say. “I was terrified at first. Okay, I still am. But I know Alexis will be smiling down on us and wouldn’t want this to be anything less than a celebration.”
I look up at Jackson and hold his eyes. He gives me all the reassurance I need to remember that the words I have said are true. This is okay. It will be okay.
“I’m pregnant.”
Everyone cheers and claps. Rage gets up and hugs me first. “Brave,” is all he whispers before he steps away, and everyone is hugging and congratulating us.
Agnes comes up with tears in her eyes and takes my hands. “Oh, my blessing. You are giving me the greatest gift of all. My reminder. Every day, I tell you, every day without missing a beat.”
“What’s today’s reminder?” I ask.
“You. You are my reminder today. Looking at you, how far you have come in such a short amount of time. How you can stand here and face everything that has been thrown at you and still smile. You’re my reminder that my Jana sent you to us. She gave me another daughter. A beautiful, strong, courageous one.”
Jackson walks over right as Agnes walks away and wraps his arms around me from behind. “This is only the beginning.”
“I’m ready for it. As long as I have you.”
“Always. You will always have me.”
He spins me around and kisses me. Everything else fades away, and it’s just the two of us. Me and my Axe.
“Are you ready?”
Letting out a small chuckle, I shake my head. “Not at all.”
Dr. Brighton smiles at me. “Well, at least you're being honest.”
Today is my first therapy session with Dr. Brighton, who I saw for a few sessions when I was a teen. She welcomed me back with open arms, and I am beyond grateful for that.
Nerds came up with exactly what she will know involving Ben. She will basically be on the club's payroll so I can be more open with her about what really happened. I just can’t tell her the club killed Ben. Not that it would be a hard assumption to make.
“Well, we can start wherever you’d like. Nerds filled me with basics, but all I care about is what you have to say and what you want to talk about,” she speaks softly, her voice calming all the nerves coursing through me, reminding me that being here is a good thing.
“Jackson, my—well my fiancé, he is super supportive of me coming here. Everyone at the club is. They all tell me they are proud of me and check in all the time,” I reply with a smile.
She smiles right back at me. “Wonderful. Starting with something happy is always a good thing. Why did you want to specifically bring that up first? Is there something about them being so open and accepting to this that brings up new emotions for you?”
And that's where it all begins. I attend weekly appointments. She thinks that after a while I should be able to go down to bi-weekly, but for now we are keeping it weekly. No one at the club has changed how they feel about it. They all support me and check in. I could ask anyone in the club to go with me and they would. My heart is full of so much love that sometimes I think it might burst.
I feel accepted, loved, and I never feel ashamed of my anxiety or panic. I feel at peace even as I navigate everything I feel and how much my life has changed. Everything I lost, but more importantly, everything I have gained.
Epilogue One
Axe (Jackson)
“Fuck,”Ibreathe,takingin my fucking gorgeous angel as I walk into the room.
Presley hears me and lets out a small gasp, her eyes locking with mine through the mirror in our bedroom. I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her, my hands splaying over her round perfect belly.
