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She leans back but keeps her hands on the back of my head where they have been running through my hair this whole time, her eyes moving back and forth as she gets lost deep in thought.
“Angel? Are you alright?” I ask.
Her eyes focus on me again. “Yeah, I just… I think I know that name, but I don’t remember where I heard it.”
“Vance?” I say, and she nods. “Okay, well, don’t worry about it right now. If you remember later, tell us right away though, okay?”
“Alright. What happens now?”
“I don’t know. But I’m going to put my faith in my brothers to figure out the next step. Right now, I have something more important that I am at risk of losing, and I wouldn’t survive that.”
Her brows furrow as she processes what I said. “Oh.” Her eyes go wide.
“Yeah. Angel, I need you to talk to me. Tell me how you feel. I heard what you said outside right before I came over.”
She has to take a second to think before she remembers. Tears begin to stream down her cheeks. “I-I don’t know if I meant it or not. It didn’t seem real at first. Like a weird nightmare. And losing my sweetling hurts. It hurts so bad, Jackson. When I think about her, I feel like I am burning from the inside out. I don’t know how to let go or grieve someone I never even got to see or meet. I never saw her smile or walk or talk. How do you grieve that loss?” she sniffles and wipes at her eyes.
I don’t speak, giving her time. I can’t even imagine her pain or going through that. All I can do is hold her tight. After a few minutes, she continues.
“What is eating me, what I feel like I can’t move past, is Ben. Someone I loved. Jackson, he was my best friend. I grew up with him. He was such a sweet kid, and when we got older, he was charming and everything I thought I wanted. He only ever had eyes for me. Or so I thought. That changed at some point, and I didn’t see it. Was I naïve? Sometimes I feel like such an idiot. Like I was too stupid to see any of it.”
My heart twinges with sympathy. “Oh angel, you aren’t stupid. You weren’t then, either. Some people are really good at hiding behind a mask. And you were used to a certain way of life. Some things that were not normal might have seemed normal to you. You can’t blame yourself for any of that. What you can do though is grieve Ben. I know he isn’t dead,”—yet—“but you can grieve the person he was.”
Her face scrunches as she hesitantly asks, “Will… will he, you know…”
“What, Presley?” Every emotion possible crosses her beautiful face as she wars with herself through confusion, anger, betrayal, sadness, grief…
She whispers so quietly I almost don’t hear her, “Be dead. Soon.”
“Do you want him to be?” I question gently.
She shuts her eyes tight and takes a few deep breaths before opening them and showing me her anger. Down below all the sorrow and suffering she is facing, she is furious. She just doesn’t know how to stay angry or let it out; to truly release it.
“I meant what I said at the apartment.”
I scan her eyes before nodding. “Fire.”
“Fire,” she repeats, biting her lip.
“Alright, so you grieve him, because he will die. But you grieve the Ben you knew. Not this one. He doesn’t deserve anyone grieving him. And I will be right here with you every step of the way. I just need you to tell me what you need.”
Being there for her grieving her ex-lover, who is a bastard, will not be easy. But every night when she is moaning my name underneath me, and my cock is buried in her sweet pussy, will be a reminder that he lost. He lost so badly, and I hope he has to watch from the depths of hell when we finally take out that fucker.
Presley climbs off my lap and slumps down next to me, her head resting on my shoulder.
I sigh in content, but then I say, “There’s something else we need to talk about, and then we should raid Rage’s kitchen and get some sleep.”
She looks up at me. “What?”
“We talked in church yesterday about everyone being really careful. I’m sure after this morning with what happened, things will get even tighter, but you can’t leave. Not even the main club house without someone with you. A member, if not two. If you need to go anywhere, I will take you.”
Her answer is immediate. “Okay.”
“Okay? That’s it?” I can’t help but raise my brows.
She nods. “Well, yeah, I understand. I mean, look how hurt you got today. Jackson, you could’ve—” she chokes on her words as a sob comes out.
“Oh angel, I’m okay and I’m right here.” I pull her into me. “Don’t think about what ifs. They won’t happen. Those fuckers have no chance.”
