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I continue, tucking my legs beneath my ass and shuffling up my bed.
I felt like an outsider around people I knew most of my life. I guess the first lesson in life is betrayal. Everything else comes after.
The bedding was cold to the touch and littered all over the place. The sins of my ancestors maybe, or the punishments I’ll be passing on to my future self.
“You may go back to your chamber.”
The brutal routine day in and day out, a silent punishment from God.
I braved myself to count how many of us were here today.
Nine.
We did have a lot more than what we do now. They’d slowly been plucked away or taken. No one knew how. I could feel him get more agitated as time went on. As if he couldn’t figure out where they’d gone or how they had.
I wanted to find my own way out. I would find my answer.
I could no longer wait for him to save me. I didn’t want to be saved.
My legs shook as I swung them over the bench. I had to hitch the ends of my robe up to be able to move, but I moved fast. I followed behind the girls who sat beside me as we walked out of the room in a single file. The sun beamed down against my forehead and my chest cracked a little. We moved like cattle. The single file split off into separate and smaller lines as I continued forward with no one else in mine.
The chamber huts curved around the building where a yellow door glared back at me. I used to think it was a pretty color. It reminded me of sunshine.
I wasn’t sure if sunshine was the right word for what went on in there. If I could never reenter that place again, it would be too soon—only I’d be back there tonight.
Bile rose in my throat as I took the steps that led to the front entrance of my chamber.
A single bedding area and a single mirror that hung on the wall. I made a small desk from old wood I found in the forest during a hunt, but other than that, it was simple. All I knew.
I at least got my own room during the day. Whether it was his punishment or his apology, I didn’t know yet.
I should stop writing. I’m afraid that I can hear people outside. Maybe I did… or maybe I was finally going crazy. I was told I would. I just thought that I would have more time than I do.
Time. What we measure everything to, simply doesn’t exist.
Tonight was different. I spent an hour beneath the stream of water, desperate for anything to make sense. Nothing did.
Then I ran. I was running so fast through the forest that my lungs burned with every breath I took. The ground bruised my feet the longer I went on, but I knew that I needed to continue. I’d never get another chance.
But I slammed into someone hard, my hands flying out to stop my own fall, but it was too late, and my head hit the ground.
A shadow came down over me as my eyes tried to adjust to the dark night.
He gripped my throat and my muscles seized. No. No. Please.
No.
I dug my fingernails into his hands, desperate for release, but it was no good. I knew it wasn’t. I was going to die.
He took me for all I had. All of it. He and his brother made sure to keep me close. Just enough for them both to play with as they pleased. To have sex with for as long as they wanted.
I couldn’t walk for days after their last antics, and they never gave me a break. I still felt the prickle of stitches against my insides from when they split me open.
I never had enough time to heal. I was a walking infection that the healer despised. I was an annoyance. She had asked multiple times to get rid of me.
She was an awful woman.
She’d no doubt leave me there to bleed out this time. Unlucky for her and me both, her husband was too damn obsessed. And because I started as his mistress, she had even more reason to hate me.
