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My hand flies to my throat as tears fill my eyes, and I feel the familiar sticky residue slip between the cracks of my fingers.
No. No. Please no.
Goosebumps spread over my skin when I draw my legs up to my chest. They’re worse now. As if being this close is only opening the access it already had.
My door opening summons my panic, and the muscles in my body turn to stone.
The annoyance that’s displayed over War’s face instantly disappears when his eyes land on me. “What’s wrong?”
He’s in front of me in an instant, swooping my body with careful eyes. He doesn’t say another word as he lifts me from my bed like one would a child, placing me on my feet. “Hey! Are youhurt?” His palms skim over my legs in his search, trailing up to my hips.
His head dips when my cheeks warm from his hands. “What’s wrong?” Whiskey stains his words.
I shove away from him sleepily, the serpent of my heart rattling against my rib cage. Whatever weird shit I was dreaming up just then is suddenly irrelevant, because I remember.
I remember that he was probably in bed with her.With her.Like he used to be. I remember his words in front of everyone and how much he has hurt me over the past couple of weeks.
Lowering myself back onto my bed, I rub my eyes with the back of my hand. “Leave me alone.”
“What are you doing, Halen?” His voice is a distant memory, locked in the haze of my own mind.
“Nothing. I’m doing… nothing.” I push back my covers and turn off the lamp. I don’t know if he’s moved, or if he’s going to just stand there all night, but I can’t care right now. Because I need sleep.
If I wasn’t so tired, all I’d be able to feel are the new wounds over my heart. I said I didn’t care.
I clearly do.
The mattress dips beneath his weight but I curl deeper into my covers, my arms slipping beneath my feathery cold pillows.
“I don’t know what bullshit you’ve filled your own head with, but whatever it is, stop fucking thinking it—” The covers move and cool air wraps around my thighs. “—or I’ll tear it out of your mind with my bare hands.”
The words I want to scream at him clog my throat.
A breeze whisks over my swollen lips when his massive body lays back. If I shift my leg even just a little, I’ll feel him.
So I don’t.
Fear keeps me frozen in place, only it’s not from him.
What the fuck is with me? I should be kicking him out of this bed, only I don’t. I don’t because even through the hurt we both continue to inflict on one another, there’s one thing I’ve never lied about, and that’s the fact that I need him.
“There’s so much you don’t know.” My lip trembles around the confession.
“What?” His body shifts, and I slowly flip back around to face him. I blink through the darkness, trying to imagine the expression he’s giving me right now. Probably a scowl for being vague. “What happened?” Silence stretches between us, and the mattress moves again. This time I don’t need to see him, because I can feel the heat of his body radiating from his chest.
“There have been times, where I don’t—” I pause. “I don’t know. I think the brain isn’t the greatest place to hide your secrets.”
I roll onto my back, resting my hands on my chest. “I should have washed my hands.”
More silence.
Swinging my leg over my bed, I quickly shove the blankets off and turn the lamp back on, desperate to wash the blood from my hands.
Clean palms stare back at me. “What?”
“Halo…” I’d never heard such softness from War.
“What the fuck!” I spin around to face him.
