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When the phone stops blaring, I open a new text message to Mom.
Mother. I have barely left the country. I told you I will be okay.
I’d never had to lie to anyone before, and I already hated the way my stomach felt when I did.
I know. I know you said that it’s a no-phone wellness camp—retreat—whatever—but please text me still every day?
A smile touches my mouth, but I feel nothing but pain.
That wouldn’t be very cleanse thy soul of negativity now, would it?
You’re a Hayes. You inflict pain! Come home. I miss you.
A sob sticks to my throat.
I will be back before you know it. I love you. X
I wouldn’t be back. Maybe that isn’t enough for a goodbye, but I can’t bring myself to say any more. I never thought about the last words I’d ever say before I die, but I know she deserved more than that. They all did.
I close out her response and scroll through my contacts. Dad. Evie. The girls. My brother. Vaden.
My throat swells.
War.
My fingers fly over my phone to shut off the screen before I do something selfish.
Why is he taking so long?
My phone blares again, and this time, Lisa’s name flashes over the screen. It’s a photo of me when I was two years old, perched on her shoulders. She wouldn’t call me if it wasn’t important.
Unlike Mother, who would be calling to remind me that I didn’t clean my room.
I sniffle back my tears, plaster a fake smile, and swipe to answer. “Hey! Everything okay?”
“Halie, I saw the video.” Dread fills me. “Don’t you dare do this. Where are you? I’ll pick you up.”
It feels like I swallowed sandpaper when I clear my throat. “I can’t. I’m sorry, Lisa. I have to.”
“No, you don’t! You’re not listening to me. Halen, these people… they won’t let you go.”
“It’s okay—" I pause, her words catching up with me. “Wait, how do you know that?” My head swivels back to the road, even though I know there’s no point. No one is here.
“Halen, I love you and your brother more than I could ever love anyone. I remember the first time I ever saw you not long after your mother gave birth. I knew then and there that I would do anything to protect you, that—" She stops mid-sentence, taking a deep breath. What’s happening right now? “That mybeing put in your house to watch your father and the Elite Kings wasn’t going to work for me.”
My heart drops. I loved Lisa as if she was another mother to me. Why would she do this? “We love you. You betrayed us? Dad did everything for you!” I whisper-yell through the phone.
“No, Halie, listen—”
“Don’t call me that!” I snap, the pillow of snow-covered trees blurring together from the tears in my eyes.
“I know you’re angry with me. But I need to explain myself before you hang up.”
Every Christmas. Every birthday. Every time she would cook for us, bake cookies, tell us stories and love both Priest and me with the kind of unconditional softness that you thought could only come from family.
I know she deserves grace. “Talk.”
Turning back to the road, I lean against the streetlight once more. Whatever she says isn’t going to stop me from doing what I need to do.Nothing.But she deserves a moment to explain. I owe her that much.
