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He doesn’t have to answer, though. The look in his eyes is enough to let me know what he’d been thinking.
I shake my head at him effusively.
“That was in the past when I thought you were gone. My son had just died and I thought you were lost to me too. I didn’t have anything else to live for. Now I do. I haveyou. I’m not going to try anything like that again, Raf. Please believe me.”
He closes his eyes, releasing a relieved breath. When he opens them again, he gives me a brilliant smile as he brings his hands to his shirt, unbuttoning it and throwing it to the ground. His pants are next, until he’s standing naked in front of me.
“Your bandage. You took it off.” I point to his chest.
He doesn’t reply, simply threading the water on his way toward me.
“I’m fine. It’s just a bruise,” he says. “Trust me. I’ve taken enough beatings to know my body.”
“And that breaks my heart even more,” I whisper.
“Don’t think about that. It’s all in the past.” He forces a smile.
“The past is still with us, Raf. You were right that I never properly coped with it. But you haven’t either.” I make the courage to approach the topic. “You’re just as scarred by your captivity as I am by what happened at the hacienda.”
He turns his head, gazing into the distance.
“Maybe you’re right,” he sighs. “Maybe I’ve been avoiding it all along because I knew how much it would affect me if I dwelled on it.”
“You know you never have to be ashamed of anything when you’re with me.”
“I know.” He nods, a faraway look in his eyes. “But I thinkIam ashamed of myself.”
I bite my lip as I try to gauge what’s going through his mind. There’s pain reflected in his features, but there’s more too…
“We can do it together.” I smile. “One small step at a time. We’ll heal together.”
“Together,” he repeats, his lips curling up. “I like the sound of that.”
I can’t help but beam at him, purely lost in his gaze. This is what I’ve been dreaming about all along. Him, me, and the simplicity of just being together, all alone in the vastness of the world. I don’t care about comforts or luxuries as long as we can be like this, two halves of a whole touching, caressing, and finally uniting back into one.
“I think we both need to prioritize our mental health when we go back,” I suggest. “Would you be open to…” I pause, licking my lips as I study his features.
“To?”
“Couples therapy,” I blurt out, knowing it’s now or never.
His brows pull up, surprise written all over his face.
“I think it would help us a lot,” I hurry to add. “We’ve been through so much, and we’ve both been hurt in various ways. I never want us to fight again, and I don’t even want to entertain the thought that there might come a time when you will resent me for what happened.”
“Noelle… Wow.” His eyes widen. “Of course I’d be open to it. In fact, I’m proud of you for suggesting that. I think it will help us navigate the painful memories.” He gives me a warm smile.
“I’m happy you think so,” I whisper, suddenly bashful.
My eyes are at the same level to his chest, and so far I’ve done a great job of avoiding to look lower, not wanting to undermine our conversation by making things sexual.
But as my eyes dip lower, and lower, I gulp down. He’s already ready for me.
It’s been so long… God, but it’s beentoolong.
The last time we were together, I was so filled with disgust for myself that I cried myself to sleep that night.
His thumb tips my chin up as he gazes lovingly at me.
