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He’d looked at her. She’d looked back. And a current of awareness had passed through them.
He stared at the darkness surrounding him, as he tried to mute the sounds of people snoring around him, the noises weighing heavily on him as his mind transformed them into a multitude of sensations—all uncomfortable for they spoke of the hopelessness of his situation.
But even as he felt trapped in this hell, his rebellious mind flew for him, still in search of her.
It grasped onto that moment, studying it from all angles as if he could glean more information from it—about her, about himself, about everything that he felt and could not stop feeling.
All his life, his interest in the opposite sex had laid dormant, only to be awoken like this, savagely and against his will, towards someone he was meant to despise for everything she represented.
He supposed half of his anger came from the fact that he’d been so repressed before, both of his own doing and because of his circumstances.
After his feud with his brother, he’d simply stopped caring about the outside world, and to an extent, about himself.
He’d shut himself away from society, going through life like a ghost of his former self.
Rafaelo supposed his guilt had played a big part in that though, and subsequently his depression and mental health issues had taken a toll on his will to interact with the outside world.
For a time, he’d simply been content living in his own head, all by himself.
There had been people who’d made his life better—or tried to.
His mother, though he still had not forgiven her, had stuck by his side even in his darkest hours. She’d taken his diagnosis in stride and had resolved to help him through it despite the fact that it had been a blow, both to her heart and her reputation. To his greatest surprise, she hadn’t minded either as she’d patiently waited for him to let her in.
And he hadn’t.
There had also been his steadfast friend—curiouscat. The woman he’d been talking to for years, who’d become his confidante. He still had questions about her and what had happened on that fateful day when she’d stood him up, especially since she’d disappeared without a trace afterwards.
Despite never meeting her in person, he had to admit to himself that she’d been his refuge in his battle with himself—the only person with whom he could be real with. Maybe that was why he still could not get over the betrayal.
Then there’d also been Sisi, someone he’d met unexpectedly but with whom he’d forged a precious friendship.
Yet in all his twenty-three years of life, he’d never once experienced such an all-encompassing feeling of awe at meeting someone. It had been something stronger than lust, though he’d found her to be the most attractive woman he’d ever seen.
No, it had been something ineffable that had consumed him in the span of one-second more than he’d ever experienced in his entire life.
And then she’d struck him.
He squeezed his eyes shut, as he pushed against the feeling of disappointment that suffused him.
It wasn’t normal to feel this way about someone he didn’t know, someone he’d never even spoken to. But he found he couldn’t control himself.
Shifting in bed, he did his best to go to sleep, knowing the following day would bring more harrowing work. After all, why should he waste precious time thinking of someone who thought him little more than dirt on her shoes?
Hugging the light blanket he’d been given to his chest, he tried to block all thoughts as he sought the relief only sleep would offer.
Yet it was all… in vain.
His dreams proved to be more treacherous than his waking moments as he found himself back with Armand—back to being degraded and made to feel less than a human. Back to being… abused.
Rafaelo had a few recollections of the rapes he’d been subjugated to—a small mercy—but those snippets of his past were enough to clamor in his mind, driving him crazy with a special type of inner pain for which there was simply no cure. He remembered the breeze as it had brushed against his skin. Armand’s icy fingers as they dug into his flesh… Everything was cold. So, so very cold.
And at the end of it all, there washerarctic stare.
Rafaelo wished for warmth.
As he struggled with his nightmares, all he wished for was a little warmth to soothe his cold, cold soul. A warm embrace. A place to lay his head and simply…be.
He didn’t know if he managed to get a few hours of decent sleep when it was time to wake up the following day. Still trapped in his head, he walked slowly as everyone made a queue to the showers before they were sent off to work at the temple.
