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”I think I cleared those thoughts for you,” I murmur, kissing her cheek, ”or did I overreact?”
”Maybe a teeny, tiny bit,” she breathes and she has a pool of red across her chest and her face is just as colorful. Her nails dig into my upper arms, her eyes still a little bit tumultuous.
I slowly pull away to give her space. ”Did I scare you?” I ask but she shakes her head. ”Hurt you?”
”You’ve never done that.” She shakes her head again, before curling up on the couch. ”But if you want this to work…”
”Yeah, I do,” I clip, aggravated already and she bites her swollen lip. ”You’re not leaving me. I told you about my twin. And that means something.”
Her lips part. ”I know why you watched me. It’s because I remind you of her, isn’t it?”
My shoulders harden. ”It felt good doing it. Comforting.”
Ella-Ashley shakes her head. ”But I’mnother.” She swallows, concern in her eyes as if I have a broken arm that needs to be mended. ”You have to stop seeing her in me. It’s not me she’s inside of.” She strokes her soft palms down my back. ”It’syou.”
Fuck. The realization slams into me like it was waiting for the right moment this whole time. Deep down, I already knew but I’ve just pushed it away all these years. I put my face in my hands, squeezing my eyes and all my muscles are tense.
But Ella-Ashley won’t let me hide, forcing me to look at her when she climbs into my lap. ”What happened wasn’t your fault. It was an accident,” she says. ”You were just a teenager. I don’t blame you and she wouldn’t have either.”
My eyes deepen into Ella-Ashley’s and I wonder how I was able to lock down someone like her.
I stroke a sweaty hair strand from her forehead. ”I’m never going to do the same mistake with you. I’ll always protect you. Sleep with one eye open.”
”She was lucky to have you,” Ella-Ashely murmurs, leaning into me and I feel something crack in my chest, little by little.
Her fingers braid mine and she’s small and naked in my lap. Vulnerable but strong. After the death, I avoided fire like the plague but I feel like I’ve been given a second chance from the universe. I’ve walked through fire, through Ella-Ashley and come out on the other side renewed.
”I’m lucky to haveyou,” I rasp, wrapping my arms around her. ”I love you, Ellie.”
Her eyes shine and she whispers that she feels the same. ”Two sides of the same coin,” she says, her eyes glimmering before she sighs and leans her head against my shoulder.
*****
That same evening, I sit on the couch while Ella-Ashley’s coiled up in the window. On my knee, I have my sketchbook and I draw her with quick, familiar strokes.
I can make a pretty detailed sketch of her in less than one minute, because that’s what happens when you practice. My eyes know her, wrist knows her, fingers know her. She has been infused in me, and I know the exact place where her body curves and where it dips.
Still wrapped up in the sheet, she turns to me. ”Can we light the fireplace later and roast some chestnuts?” she asks. The receding light catches the different shades of green in her eyes and I feel my chest expand.
This girl, I can draw over and over and never tire. Every time, I see something new.
”Sure, as soon as I’m done here,” I murmur, finishing the lines of her collarbone. She sighs lightly, looking out to the street again. My brows rise. ”See anything you like?” I smirk.
Ella-Ashely nods. ”The hottest guy that’s ever lived.”
”The fuck!” I growl, kicking the coffee-table out of the way, yank the window open and jump out on the fire-escape. Clutching the railing, I look down at the people moving below. ”Where is he?”
My fist clenches, and I’m ready to do some damage when Ella-Ashley grabs my pants and pulls me back in. She wraps her arms around my neck.
”I was talking about your reflection,” she whispers, booping my nose with her fingertip. ”Don’t you already know I only have eyes for you?”
”Can’t be too sure,” I mutter, giving her a quick squeeze then grin sheepishly. ”I’ll go light that fireplace.””
”You do that,” she nods. ”And can we also look through those other sketches you have of me? Some were very…”
”Disturbing?”
She sniggers, licking her lips. ”Interesting…”
