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The silence in the truck should be heavy and uncomfortable, but when I glance at Kallan, I see none of that. All I see is patience and understanding.
I know my phone screen will be blank, so I have nothing to rush home to.
“I could eat something,” I murmur, wondering if he has anything at home waiting for him. I hold my breath, waiting for his answer. I should want him to apologize and say that he needs to get home. I shouldn’t want to spend time with him, but tonight, I need him to take this loneliness away. Even if it’s just for an hour. Even if it is selfish.
Instead, he doesn’t say anything. He turns the key in the ignition and carefully pulls onto the road.
*****
The restaurant is not too busy when we walk in. I guess most people would think it’s crazy to be out in weather like this, but I’m not. I’m just happy to be with someone.
A little voice whispers that it’s not just anyone I’m happy to be with. I could have gone to Amelia and soaked up the unconditional love I’d get from Darby and Ethan. I could have gone to Nathan’s pub, Frosty Frogs, or any of my friends. I even could have taken dinner to Quinn’s work.
Then stop, Quinn’s voice echoes through my mind again.
I’m lost in my thoughts, unaware of my surroundings, so my breath catches in my throat when Kallan’s hand lands on my hip, a slight pressure pulling me closer to him. The weight of it against me speeds up my pulse, spreading heat through my bloodstream.
“Damn, didn’t see you there,” a man says, with an apologetic smile before he’s on his way.
“Sorry,” Kallan says, and he’s so close I can feel his breath against my cheek, the warmth of it sending shivers down my neck. His hand trails slightly down my hip, leaving a path of heat in its wake before dropping altogether, and for the tiniest of seconds, I feel bereft. As if I’m mourning something I lost without even knowing I had it in the first place. Disconcerted, I take a step forward, and without thought, my hand rises, and I settle my palm directly over the place his hand had just been.
The waitress leads us to our table, and my mind is all over the place. I’ve been attracted to Kallan since I met him, but it hasn’t been anything like this. Why now? Why does this attraction feel like it’s taken on a life of its own?
“It helps to talk about it.”
I startle back to my surroundings, annoyed that, once again, I drifted off. Shaking my head, I focus back on Kallan. I need to keep it together.
“Talk about what?”
“Whatever’s stolen the smile from your eyes.”
“Talking about it feels wrong.”
“Why?”
I shrug, feeling uncomfortable. Discussing Quinn and our problems with a man I’m attracted to would make me feel as if I’m betraying Quinn. Even the time we’ve spent together, no matter how platonic, makes me feel like I’m being disloyal. And I am, in a way. It feels like I’m being reckless by spending time with him. That I’m inching open a door that should stay firmly closed. Except for that one look we shared, which could have meant anything, Kallan has given me no indication that he sees me as anything other than a friend, but it doesn’t matter. It is my thoughts and feelings that matter. I can’t admit that to Kallan. It would make things between us awkward, and even though I know it’s wrong, I don’t want to lose this friendship we’re building.
“Look,” he says, bending forward and leaning on his crossed arms. “I’d like to think we’ve become friends,” I nod, encouraging him to continue, “and as your friend, I want you to know you can talk to me. Sometimes, it helps to get an outside perspective on things.”
His words confirm that our relationship is completely platonic, and I should be relieved because there are a million reasons why that should be a good thing. Instead, my heart squeezes, and I’m battling a lump in my throat. It’s stupid, but it just adds to the feeling of rejection that’s been squatting in my heart since the last fight I’ve had with Quinn.
The waitress comes over to take our orders, saving me from having to reply and potentially embarrass myself.
“Does that advice apply to yourself?” I ask once the waitress has left.
“It’s not easy, but I try. I used to be of the mindset that everyone is a fortress. It took a very special person to show me that we don’t always have to carry our burdens alone.”
“Ugh. Talking to you is frustrating,” I say, falling back in my chair.
“Why is that?”
“You keep giving me little crumbs about your life. You’re here for a fresh start. Blood doesn’t make you family. A special person gave you good advice. You know I’m a woman, right? And not knowing stuff is like waving a ball of catnip in front of a cat and saying she can’t have it. It’s maddening.”
He smiles, and I startle. It’s not a simple tipping of his lips. It’s a full one. One that actually displays teeth.
“Okay, quid pro quo. I’ll trade a question for a question. And you can get to go first.”
“Just one?”
