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“That doesn’t mean I want to lose touch with my life here,” Charlotte said. “You’re my best friend, Claire. You’re my sister. Nothing can get in the way of that.”
* * *
The following morning, Claire gave herself a pep talk in the bathroom mirror. “They’re your daughters. You gave birth to them. Talk to them. Figure this out.”
Russel had already gone off to work. He’d left a half pot of coffee and a note to Gail and Abby wishing them good luck on their second semester. Abby read it as she sipped her coffee and smiled sadly to herself. When Gail clunked down the stairs, her shoulders sagging from her backpack, she took one look at the note, crumpled it in her fist, and threw it in the trash.
“Gail!” Claire cried.
Gail didn’t respond and instead poured herself a mug of coffee and glowered out the window, where a soft snow spun from the low gray clouds. “I’m ready to get out of here,” she said.
Claire thought something she never thought she would—that she couldn’t wait for Gail to be gone, too. The thought stunned her into silence. To busy herself, she carried Abby’s bag to the van, donned her coat, and got into the driver’s seat to wait for the twins. They walked out of the house a minute later, Gail first, then Abby a few seconds later. “Here we go,” Claire muttered to herself.
The drive was uneventful. Abby and Gail were quiet as usual, looking out opposite windows as Claire drove and listened to the radio. Sometimes, she sang along with a song, hoping one would chime in like they used to.
The drive from Woods Hole to Amherst lasted two hours and forty-five minutes. When Claire pulled onto campus, she found herself in line with another fifty or so parents, dropping off their children after Christmas break. On the sidewalk, mothers and fathers hugged their children goodbye with tears in their eyes.
“Just drop us off in front,” Gail said.
“I thought I could find a spot,” Claire said, her voice breaking. “Maybe we could have lunch together?”
“I’m not hungry,” Gail said.
“Abby?” Claire asked. “We could go? Just us?”
Abby sighed into her hands. “Okay.”
It was surreal watching Gail stomp into the dorms without Abby. Claire gripped the steering wheel, feeling like she’d just let Gail into the big, bad world without assistance. She remained quiet for the next five minutes, hunting around campus for a parking spot. But when she and Abby clambered out and strode toward Antonio’s Pizza, Abby’s favorite, Claire finally burst. “Abby. You have to tell me what’s going on.”
Abby stared at her feet as they walked. She looked as forlorn as Gail looked angry. “I don’t know.”
“I don’t believe you,” Claire said. “You and Gail have always told each other everything. She must have mentioned what’s going on.”
Abby glared at Claire. “Things change, Mom.”
Claire ordered a spinach and feta pizza with black olives at the pizza restaurant, and Abby ordered a pepperoni and mushroom. Midway through their meal, Claire waved to the server and asked to order another pizza—anchovies and onions, for Gail. She would force Abby to take it into the dorm room for her. Gail would be hungry later.
“If your sister ever reveals what’s going on,” Claire began as she cleaned her hands with a napkin, “will you let me know?”
Abby raised her shoulders. “It’s private.”
“But if Gail is in danger, I need to know,” Claire reminded her. “If something is medically wrong with her, I need to know. If she’s depressed—”
“I get it,” Abby said.
Claire stared down at the greasy remains of her pizza, no longer hungry. Parenting had been so easy until now. She’d laughed at other parents of teenagers who’d struggled with their tempers in the face of haughty teenagers.
“And are you doing okay?” Claire asked.
“I’m fine.”
Claire sighed. “You’d tell me if something was up, right? If you’re sick or feeling sad.”
“I guess.”
This conversation was going nowhere. Claire was exhausted. She just wanted to drop Abby off, drive back home, and curl up in bed with a good book. She wanted Russel to take her in his arms and remind her that this was just a phase. Even the bizarreness between Russel and Claire just now was a phase that often made Claire feel like she had two heads. It was rare for them to reach for one another; their kisses and conversations were fewer and farther between. Perhaps they just needed to put the spark back in their marriage. A vacation could help. A romantic dinner out.
At the door to the dormitory, Claire hugged Abby close and said, “Make sure Gail gets her pizza.”
