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“Not sure there’s such a thing as a normal family.”
She laughed. “Well, there is that, of course.”
“Regardless, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that as long as it’s to the right person.”
“Except I knew Adam wasn’t the right person. Not right away, of course.” She picked imaginary lint from her pants, avoiding his eyes but glad he seemed to have forgotten his own embarrassment.
“How so?”
“The most glaring clue was the spiritual differences. We weren’t on the same page when it came to our faith. I could tell that Adam only expressed an interest in God because I was interested in God, and he only came to church because I asked him to. Other than that, nothing.”
James grimaced. “Not a good sign.”
“No, it wasn’t. And there were others too. He was impatient with children. Never mean or deliberately ugly or anything, just no time or patience for them. And then there were the flashes of rage followed by the instant apologies.” She sighed. “Thanks to my work, I knew the signs of an unstable person. Not that I wanted to admit they were there. But one night, I sat down with my Bible and had myself a good conversation with the Lord. By the time I went to bed, I knew I was going to break it off with Adam. I couldn’t marry him, not with all of the doubts and concerns I had. The next day, when he came over, I told him. He was furious and I finally saw the real him in all its ugliness. It was scary and soul sucking, to say the least. It felt like all my dreams of the fairy-tale wedding and happily ever after were well and truly dead.”
He took her hand and squeezed. “I’m sorry. I’ve heard of that happening more times than I’d like to admit.”
She concentrated on the feel of his warm, rough palm wrappedaround hers. It gave her strength to continue. “The crazy thing is, I have too. Of course I have. I’ve patched up those women—and a few men—right here in this hospital. I just never thought it would happen to me.” She swiped her free hand down her cheek. “I suppose I should have had a clue when my parents didn’t like him at first.”
“They didn’t?”
“Not really. But they tried. Like, really tried. For them, anyway. I didn’t want to introduce him, but he insisted. Strangely enough, he said we couldn’t have a relationship and not include my parents. It was true, of course, so I sucked it up and introduced him.” She pulled away from him and fiddled with the iPad, loath to admit the next part, but ... “I thought they didn’t like him because they were afraid they were going to lose the one kid they had who was willing to take care of them.” She glanced at him. “I suppose that makes me a terrible person.”
“Aw, Lainie, of course not.”
“In the end, Adam finally had them convinced that while they might not think we were a perfect match, he was at least a good guy.”
“But he wasn’t.”
“He wasn’t. When I tried to talk to him about some things like his hair-trigger anger, do you know he actually had the gall to tell me not to worry about anything? That my job was to just be happy and he would take care of everything else and I should be grateful for that.”
“Sounds like a ‘don’t worry your pretty little head about life’ kind of thing.”
“Exactly.” She paused. “Now that I look back on it,” she said, her voice low, “I truly think Adam was a psychopath. Or technically, an antisocial personality disorder sufferer.”
James nodded. “Excellent actor, manipulative, uses people for their own gain. And so on.”
“Exactly.” She shook her head, wondering if she should spill an additional reason as to why she hadn’t been happy. The one that had a lot to do with James. Like every time she’d pictured being married, he was the one by her side.
She bit her tongue. No way would those words leave her lips. Not only would that be too much for him to process, she’d simply embarrass herself—and him—because there was no doubt in her mind that he didn’t have a clue about her feelings. She fought a surge of tears and familiar guilt.
“As much as I tried, I didn’t really love him. Not like you’re supposed to love someone you’re going to marry. I think I loved the idea of love, of what I envisioned my future to be. I loved that in the beginning he made me feel like I was the most important thing in his life. He sent flowers, bought me fancy dinners and expensive jewelry, took me to concerts and left notes on my windshield. He wooed me and won me.” And she’d figured he was the next best thing if she couldn’t have James. She’d hated herself for comparing the men, but she had. At least the man Adam had presented to her. She cleared her throat. “But as time passed and more and more things came to light, such as Adam’s temper, his worrisome family dynamics—perfect on the surface, but a roiling mess of tensions and strain underneath—the more I knew I had to get out. I thought I was going to have my normal with Adam, but the deeper I became embedded in his family, it was quite obvious I wasn’t and it...” She shook her head. “But I kept telling myself that I wasn’t marrying his family, that they would play a minimal role in our lives.”
He grunted, but didn’t say anything.
“I know.” She shot him a sideways look. “Anyway, I knew he was going to be angry when I broke up with him—but not so angry he would try to kill me. It honestly never occurred to me that he was capable of that, and I almost died because of my blindness. And ... hediddie. Because I shot him before he could kill me.”
“Self-defense, Lainie.”
“Yes, but I feel like I set him up in some way. Like maybe I should have approached the whole thing differently or used different words. I don’t know, but Ididknow the situation would trigger his anger. I just didn’t expect...”
“Yeah. I’ll say it again. Not your fault.” He reached for her handonce more and squeezed. His eyes were drooping. Part adrenaline crash, part painkillers. He roused. “No more drugs, Lainie. Promise me.”
“You need them.”
“No more. I mean it.”
She sighed. “Okay. I promise. No more drugs that make you sleepy. We have other options. For now, go back to sleep as best you can and I’ll be close by in case you start dreaming again.”
