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“Making new traditions and keeping the old were important to him, and now that he’s gone, it’s up to us to carry them on for the next generation.”
“I love that,” I said, but Knox’s eyes were sad.
“You miss your dad?”
“I wish he could have known Ember as more than just a baby or gotten to see Emmett meet Ireland. He would have loved all of it.”
But there was more than just sadness there; there was regret, shame even. “Do you feel responsible somehow?”
“I wasn’t here, you know. I should have been. Instead, I was busy in my first job away from home, loving the independent life. I wasn’t thinking about everyone back home. For the first time, I was free from the farm and what that meant. I didn’t have anyone to answer to.”
“That sounds normal for a twenty-something-year-old.”
“I was immature and reckless. But after he died, I quit my job and came back home to help. I’m needed here.” His tone was bitter.
“I’m sure if you wanted to do something else, you could, though, right?” I asked, wondering if he was only here because of his family. That made me sad for him.
“I love what I do here. I love my family and the farm.”
“That’s good.” I was glad it had worked out for the best, but I wasn’t sure that was entirely true. Knox had a different life that he’d given up to return home. I couldn’t help but wonder that if he got involved with us, would he regret it, too? Having a child was just one more responsibility, and it seemed like Knox had enough of that in his life.
He took on the bulk of the farm management because Emmett didn’t like dealing with people. Sebastian was more behind the scenes, since he did the books, and Heath was here but not really involved in the day-to-day since he had another job. Talon was wrapped up in his artwork, and I didn’t see him around the farm itself much. But then again, they were the younger brothers. Maybe the responsibility had always fallen on Emmett’s and Knox’s shoulders, and since Emmett struggled with certain aspects of the business, Knox took over.
I wanted to know more about the load Knox was carrying, but I had a feeling he didn’t see it that way and wouldn’t want to share.
Chapter 8
Knox
This year was the first one where Ember could participate fully in this tradition. And having Addy here made it even better. There was nothing like kids’ laughter to get you in the mood to enjoy the holiday.
Seeing things through Sarah’s eyes made the day feel more magical. I kept my arm around her, and she tucked herself easily into my side. It felt right to keep her close.
I was following my heart like Mom said to. With Sarah around, the weight of grief and the responsibility for the family didn’t feel quite so heavy. I hadn’t told her everything, but the little I had shared with her felt good.
Sarah was sympathetic, and I could tell she had more questions, but she didn’t ask them. I knew I needed to be prepared to answer them in the future. Sarah wasn’t someone who’d let a friend hurt, not once she knew about it. She’d want to help me.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about that, but I was going to enjoy the evening with her and my family.
The girls stopped at various trees, declaring them not right.
Finally, Ember stopped short and said, “We should decorate the tree by our sign.”
“That way, everyone can see it from the road,” Addy added excitedly.
We’d planted a few trees by the entrance. One was a good size for them to decorate.
Sebastian clapped his hands together. “I think that’s a great idea.”
We headed back down the hill. Now that a tree had been decided on, the girls held hands and skipped down the hill, laughing and joking around. The mood was light and happy. I couldn’t remember a time recently when I’d felt better. Except perhaps the other times I’d spent with Sarah and Addy.
We grabbed more boxes of decorations from the porch on the way to the entrance. We stacked them by the tree, and the girls got to work wrapping lights around it. We’d have to figure out a way to get electricity to the tree. I knew my brothers would do whatever it took to make that happen, even if we had to run an extension cord from the barn.
The tree was decorated in no time, with all of us helping. Then we took pictures of the girls and the entire family in front of it. I pulled Sarah into the picture when she tried to move out of range.
“I’m not family,” she said to me quietly.
I tipped my head toward Addy. “With that logic, neither is Addy, but she’s in the picture.”
