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She was quiet for a few seconds before adding, “I wish they were my family.”
And what could I say to that? “You have Grandma and Grandpa and Aunt Grace.”
“I know, but they don’t have a Christmas tree farm.”
I laughed at that. “Not many people do.”
“It’s so cool, though.”
“They’ve invited us to family gatherings, and I’m sure we’ll be invited again.” I just hoped that I hadn’t ruined everything by dating Knox. I didn’t want to lose their family. We’d only just met them.
“Can I have a sleepover with Ember?”
“We’ll see. I’d like to get to know them more. Let’s plan a few playdates first.”
“Okay,” she said, always happy to have playdates. I suspected she needed them more than other people because she didn’t have any siblings. Ember was in the same situation, except she had so many uncles looking out for her. She was a lucky girl.
I sensed that if I dated Knox and we were serious, Addy and I would be welcomed into their tight-knit family.
“I like Knox.”
I looked at Addy in the rearview mirror. “Me, too. He’s a good friend. Are you excited about decorating his tree?”
She nodded. “We’ll do a much better job than he would.”
I laughed. “Why do you say that?”
Addy glanced out the window, probably searching for holiday lights on the houses we passed. “That’s what Miss Lori said. Her boys don’t have any taste when it comes to decorations.”
“I don’t know about that.”
Addy met my gaze in the mirror. “Knox asked for our help. He needs us.”
I loved the idea of Knox needing us. I wanted to be there for him like he had been for us. “It’s a good way for us to repay him for how he’s helped us with our porch and the tree.”
“Do you think Santa will bring me everything I want this year?”
“What are you asking for?” She was past the point of wanting to write Santa a letter with her list, so I had to be creative. I’d handed her a few toy catalogs that came in the mail, hoping she’d circle what interested her, but she hadn’t even looked at them.
“I want a dad.”
Not my dad. A dad. I wonder if her wording was intentional. “You have a dad. He just lives far away.”
Her lips pursed. “Why isn’t he here like the other dads? He doesn’t come to school stuff. He’s never met my teachers or my friends.”
How do you explain away a father’s disinterest in their own child? “He usually visits around the holidays.”
She sighed. “It’s not the same.”
She wanted a man who’d care for her, look after her, and love her. She deserved that. And for the first time, I wasn’t so sure she’d ever get it from Gary. I tried to be everything to her, but I couldn’t replace the role of her father in her life. Could someone else?
“He’ll be here.” I’d call her father and find out what his plans were. It sucked that he didn’t realize his daughter needed him. I didn’t want to nag him and have to remind him of his responsibilities, but I didn’t want Addy to be hurt.
Addy didn’t respond, and for the first time, I wondered if Gary’s actions were hurting their relationship irrevocably. In the past, she was disappointed when he didn’t visit often, but he was still her father.
Could a man come into a kid’s life and replace their father? Would Knox even want that role? If he knew how much Addy wanted a father in her life, would he be intimidated by that? He was still grieving the loss of his father. He might not be ready to fulfill that role for a child, especially one that wasn’t his.
We pulled into our driveway. The lights on our porch never failed to lift my spirits.
