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“I think you’re right.”
“It’s only a bad thing if you’re unhappy, and you’d rather have closer relationships with friends and maybe even a man.”
The idea of getting close to anyone was scary. “I don’t think I’m ready for that.”
“Are you lonely? I wonder what it would be like to move somewhere where no one knew me.”
“I’m content. But you’re right. I’m not close with many people.”
Heath squeezed my hand that he still held. “You’re guarded, and that’s normal. But you’re sharing with me now.”
My heart pitter-pattered in my chest. Why was I confiding in him? What was it about him that had me questioning everything? I was happy. Wasn’t I?
“What do you say we watch TV?” Heath asked, his tone light.
I’d revealed a lot tonight, more than I wanted to. I pulled my hand out of his, missing the warmth almost immediately. I curled my feet underneath me and leaned on the arm of the couch, away from Heath. “That sounds good.”
Heath flipped through the channels until he found an office sitcom we both enjoyed and hit play. We watched several episodes, talking about our favorite scenes and whether it was realistic or not. Neither of us had ever worked in an office.
Eventually, I switched positions, but it put me closer to Heath. His weight meant that the couch dipped in his direction, and my leg pressed against his. I enjoyed the contact, even though I knew I should move away.
I rested my head on the back of the couch when I felt sleepy and wished we were close enough that I could rest it on his shoulder. Everything about Heath was calling to me, his heat, his scent, and his strength. I wanted to sink into him and forget anything else existed.
Ten
Heath
I felt her head against my shoulder. Her eyes were closed. She must have nodded off.
I finished the episode and then watched another. I was reluctant to wake her up. She was slumped against me, and I could feel the heat of her body through my clothes.
I wished that things were different. That she wasn’t my best friend’s younger sister, whom I’d promised to protect.
When it was late, I nudged her carefully. Her eyelids fluttered, but they didn’t open. I eased myself out from under her so that she was lying on the couch, and I stood before scooping her into my arms.
She felt good in my arms, her head naturally rolling toward my shoulder and her legs dangling over my arm. How could something that felt so right be wrong? I carried her upstairs to the guest room and laid her carefully on top of the covers. She’d already taken off her shoes, so I pulled a throw from the bottom of the bed over her, then slowly backed out of the room. My heart throbbed as the light from the hallway illuminated her peaceful expression.
I hoped she felt safe in my house and on my family’s farm. I wanted her to feel like she belonged. I had a feeling she’d been missing and searching for that feeling all her life but never found it. I worried that her wound was too big to heal.
I wanted that for her. I wanted her to feel loved and accepted. Maybe that was the one thing I could do for her while she was here. Maybe it would ease the guilt over how I ended things so many years ago.
Maybe it would absolve my guilt, but it wouldn’t detract from my burning desire for more with her. I couldn’t escape the feeling that whatever we had wasn’t over. That we hadn’t explored our relationship long enough to know if we’d withstand the test of time.
I could make a move, forgetting my promise to Aiden. Or I could hold fast to my vow. I wasn’t sure what I wanted or what the right answer was.
I left the door slightly ajar, in case she needed me.
In my room, I tried to go to sleep, but I couldn’t get Marley’s expression when she asked if I was dating anyone out of my mind. Was she asking because she cared about me as a friend, or was it because she was still interested in me? I couldn’t imagine I’d ever get another chance with her, not after how I ended things.
Not that it was even a possibility. I hated feeling twisted up over things. But Marley had a way of doing that to me.
What would I do if Aiden wasn’t in the picture? If Marley was just another woman I met? That we hadn’t met as kids, kissed, and talked about our hopes and dreams? That I’d never met her before this weekend?
I couldn’t erase our past, but I found it easy to imagine Aiden absent from this scenario, mainly because he had been. He visited infrequently, preferring to travel. I only spoke to him by email where he checked in on the inn and the renovation, and occasionally inquired about how Marley was holding up.
I had a feeling she wouldn’t appreciate that I’d talked to her brother over the years about her. I’d been careful never to mention how our relationship had deepened and then become fractured. I mainly received updates from her grandmother.
If he wasn’t her brother, I wouldn’t have a reason to hold back. I could get to know the person she was now and enjoy being in her presence without any guilt or shame.
