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I had a hard time keeping my mind on marketing that afternoon. I was supposed to be filming short videos for social media, but my head wasn’t in it. I couldn’t stop thinking about everything that had happened between me and Heath.
Had I made a mistake in letting things go as far as they did? How would I walk away when it was time?
The crazy thing was, I’d canceled my Sunday flight home and hadn’t booked another one. I couldn’t seem to decide which day to leave. The thought of leaving at all left a pit in my stomach.
We could continue to date long-distance, but was that what he wanted? Or maybe this thing between us was a short-term fling. The problem was, I wasn’t ready for it to end. I was feeling things I never had before. I just had no way of knowing if Heath felt the same way.
I set up my lighting and camera on a tripod by the fireplace so that the gorgeous stonework was behind me. I didn’t want to waste the opportunity to film in Heath’s cabin and on the farm, so I forced myself to focus on work.
Today, I was talking about trying new things, or going back to something that you tried before and didn’t work, to see if it would have a different result this time. It was all about taking the inspired action when you got it, trying new things and not letting any feelings of failure enter your consciousness.
Business was about pivoting when it was necessary, not getting stuck in old marketing trends, and being able to see what was coming next and act on it.
I couldn’t help but think of the parallels to my relationship with Heath. I was trying something that hadn’t worked in the past. Was it a big mistake, or would it be the best thing that ever happened to me?
I didn’t have an answer, and thinking about the possibilities made me edgy. So, I finished filming the videos and then took a walk outside to see if I could find an outdoor place to film.
Instead of teaching, I decided to post a video of me hiking through the Christmas tree farm. The rows of evergreens were mesmerizing to me, and I hoped it would be for my viewers, too. I filmed it a few times until it was right, added some trendy music, and posted it with the caption: Sometimes you need to take care of yourself, and what better place than at a Christmas tree farm?
It was simple but hopefully inspiring. While I walked, I jotted down a few ideas for future videos and content I could share.
Being on the farm was inspiring. I was a little worried I wouldn’t be able to work here. That I’d be distracted by Heath’s family and the farm. But so far, I felt rejuvenated, like I was on a vacation.
As long as the ideas were flowing for more content, there was no need for me to rush home to California. I always thought the ocean was my muse, but maybe it was nature in general, and I needed a new perspective.
When I finally returned to Heath’s cabin, the air was cooler, the wind biting my face.
Heath stood on the porch, his hands braced on the railing. When he spotted me, he moved toward me. “I was worried about you. You weren’t answering your phone.”
I lifted it to see several missed calls. It must have been on silent. “I was filming and then decided to go for a walk. I lost track of time.”
“That’s okay. Just let me know if you’re going to be gone. I wasn’t sure where to look for you.”
I wasn’t used to having anyone waiting for me when I returned home, much less worried about my safety.
“Can you do that for me?” Heath asked, his expression serious.
“Of course,” I said, even as my chest tightened. Would I get too used to this, and then it would be taken away from me?
Nothing ever lasted. Especially not for me. I grew up in a trailer on my grandmother’s property. Once my parents realized I wasn’t valuable to them, they ignored me. It would be the same with Heath.
“What’s wrong?” Heath asked as he turned and fell into step next to me.
I smiled to cover my worries. “Nothing. I was just enjoying the farm. I got some great videos.” We sat on the porch swing, and I showed him my screen. As he watched, I realized this might not be exciting for him. I lowered the phone. “You probably aren’t interested in seeing a film of the farm. You see this every day.”
He grabbed my wrist and held it. “I like seeing it through your eyes.” Then he nodded toward the screen where the video was playing. “You like the Christmas tree fields.”
“The rows of trees are beautiful. I feel like I could walk forever and never reach the end.” It was comforting, in a way. The steadiness of those trees. They grew for years before a family decided it would be the perfect one for their living room.
“Just wait until it snows. I’ll take you out on the snowmobile. There’s something about how quiet it gets. The world is blanketed in the white stuff. It makes you feel like you’re alone, a vastness to the property that is endless.”
I paused the video. “I’d love to see the snow. I’ve missed it.”
“I can’t imagine not experiencing the different seasons.”
He stood, opening the door for me.
“Ireland wants us to watch that movie tonight. To make sure the projector will work, that it’s big enough, and that the sound will carry. I have a feeling we’ll need to invest in larger speakers to reach everyone in the crowd.”
