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“Are you saying that you want a real relationship?” I asked him.
“Is that not what we’re doing?”
My heart pounded in my chest. I had to be sure we were talking about the same thing. “I thought we were having a good time, because at the end of the day, Aiden is my brother and your friend. You walked away before.”
“I regret that with everything in me. If I could go back and change how I handled that, I would. We’re adults now, and we know what we’re getting into.”
“And Aiden?” I had to be sure he wouldn’t suddenly freak out about what Aiden would think.
“I want to talk to him in person. He’s planning on coming home for the holidays, right?”
“That’s what he said the last time I talked to him. He wants to see the inn before I sell it.”
“If you sell it.”
I swallowed hard because I wasn’t sure what I wanted anymore. My heart and my brain were all mixed up.
“Give me a chance to make the inn beautiful again.” He said it so earnestly I couldn’t deny him.
“I have every confidence that you will. That’s not the issue.”
“Remember what you loved about this place when you were a child. Before you convinced yourself that leaving was best. A girl who loved the inn and the grounds.”
If I thought hard enough, I could remember the feeling I got helping Gram at the front counter or just playing in the gardens. “I’d like to see it brought back to life.”
“And you’ll wait to make any decisions about selling until then?”
This was obviously important to him, so I said, “Yes.”
He grinned. “Are you ready to tag some trees?”
“Yes,” I said as we tugged on our boots and grabbed our jackets, hats, and gloves. On the way to the truck, he handed me a map. “These are the fields ready for cutting this year.”
When we were settled in the cab, he leaned over to point out the four different fields. “This one is Douglas firs, these three are Fraser. The ones we picked last year have all been replanted and are this high.” He showed me with his fingers.
“Do you cut a tree for your house?” I asked him, trying to picture him in his cabin on Christmas. Was it decorated?
“Not usually. But would you like one?”
I’d never had a tree. I don’t decorate. But then there wasn’t the same pressure in a place where palm trees are commonplace. “I would.”
Heath reached over to squeeze my thigh. “Then keep an eye out today and let me know if you see one you want. I’ll cut it and bring it home.”
Bring it home. A tree for us. I loved everything about that. The vision of us spending holidays here, me helping him at the farm, and still having time to grow my business. I didn’t think I could remember a time I’d been happier.
For a few days, maybe even weeks, I’d let myself give in to the vision of living here, maybe even hiring a manager to run the inn. I’d indulge the fantasy that I could build a life here with Heath. That we could even have a family. My kids would belong, just like Addy.
I knew it was foolish, but the air was crisp, and the rows of trees were calling to me to take their picture.
He parked the car on the lane near the first field behind Emmett and Knox’s trucks. According to the map, we had to hike past two other fields to get to the ones with mature trees.
“Why do you plant them like this?” Each field was a square of one size of tree.
“You want to stagger them. Dad taught us that. It helps with growth.”
“Your dad taught you everything you needed to know about working the farm and taking care of the trees?” I asked, as we got out and joined Emmett and Knox.
“Emmett and Knox plant the trees and monitor their growth, but we all know what goes into it and the reason behind what we do.”
