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Gage stood, then reached down. Matt took his brother’s hand, allowing Gage to pull him up from the chair.
Matt froze, shocked when Gage wrapped his arms around him, hugging him tightly. “I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell us. Sorry we let this stupid distance between us go on for so long. We should never have forgotten that first and foremost, we’re family. We’re brothers.”
Matt lifted his arms, returning the embrace, so stunned by their understanding he didn’t know what else to say or do.
He’d expected contempt. He’d received compassion.
“I love you,” Gage said.
Matt wanted to say the words. Wanted to give them back to his brothers.
But now, just like when Liza had said them, he couldn’t get the words out. He’d lived a lifetime without love, pretending it was a silly, useless emotion.
He’d been lying to himself because the truth was, love had always felt like something he didn’t deserve.
When they separated, Gage gripped his neck, pressed their foreheads together. Just for a second. Then he walked back around the desk as Conor rose.
“You going to be okay?” Conor asked.
Matt felt as if his insides had been ripped out and tossed through the shredder. Regardless, he nodded. “Yeah.”
Because, while the pain was still there, it was mingled now with the tiniest bit of hope. He’d told his brothers the truth and they hadn’t walked away.
Matt had let his fear of losing them rule him for far too long.
“Eventually,” he added. “I just need to figure some things out.”
“Is Liza one of those things?” Gage asked.
“I hurt her.”
“She’s tough,” Gage said. “Don’t write off what the two of you shared. If you reach out to her, she’ll help you through this.”
Matt had fought like the devil to keep this away from her, certain her disgust over his callous actions would drive her away. The second she tore up that marker and walked out of his office, he crumbled, because without her…
Conor gave him an encouraging smile. “Call us if you need us. We can hold as many interventions as it takes. And you know, therapy isn’t a bad thing. Pretty sure our health plan covers it,” he added with a wink.
Matt chuckled. “Yeah. I probably need a few…thousand sessions. Thank you.”
His brothers left as Matt sat back down, swiveling his chair toward the windows, staring outside without seeing anything.
Gage told him he needed to forgive himself. Matt wasn’t sure how the hell to do that, but he needed to find a way.
For himself.
For Liza.
Chapter Twenty
An hour later, Matt let himself into his penthouse. He’d had Henri cancel the rest of his meetings for the day and called for his driver to take him home. He hadn’t been in the right state of mind to get behind the steering wheel of a car.
He considered climbing the stairs to his room, burrowing himself under his thick duvet, and sleeping for the next twenty years or so.
Instead, he turned toward his office. He knew what was pulling him there, though he wasn’t sure if he could follow through with what came next.
Sitting at his desk, he took a deep, calming breath, then reached down to open the bottom drawer. He never opened this drawer because it only contained one thing. One thing he’d attempted to keep hidden away along with his guilt, his regret, his grief.
Matt pulled out the birthday package, the wrapping still as pristine as the night Mom had given it to him. He’d found the forgotten gift on his desk after Mom’s funeral. He hadn’t been able to open it then, his fury burning too hot, so he’d shoved it in the drawer and put it out of his mind for fourteen years.
