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Then his hand slides down to my arm and he tucks me into his chest so I can’t see his face anymore, resting his chin against the top of my head. Neither of us say anything as we lay there together, skin on skin, like this is how it’s always been.
Sleep starts to creep in, but just as it’s about to take me under, Madd speaks.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers to me in the dark, his voice strained. “I’m sorry I let you fall.”
21
I fucked up.
If I was trying to stick to my guns about keeping my distance from Sloane, then the last thing I should’ve done was sleep with her.
In both senses of the word. We fucked, then I passed out in her bed, leaving me to wake up beside her this morning with an aching sense of familiarity I wasn’t ready to face.
So I crept out of bed and snuck out, heading to the forest for my morning run to clear my head and try to figure out where the hell to go from here. Because ordinarily, a drunken hookup would be meaningless, but with the history between Sloane and me, nothing’s without consequence.
The line between love and hate has been getting razor thin since her return, and last night, I’m pretty sure it snapped. I’ve been so damn mad at her for so long, but now I’m just…tired. I’m tired of fighting with her. Tired of pushing her away because I can’t let go of the anger and resentment I’ve been carrying around for the past eight years. Tired of trying to ignore this inevitable pull that has always existed between us, now stronger than ever.
By the time I finish my run and shift to head back to the packhouse, my thoughts feel even more twisted up than when I started, a wicked hangover beginning to set in. That’s what I get for throwing back whiskey shots like it was my fucking job last night. I walk in the front door to find Avery sitting at the kitchen island eating breakfast, shooting me a suspicious look when she sees me enter wearing last night’s clothes.
“Where have you been?” she asks conspiratorially, cocking a brow.
There’s no point in lying to her; not when I’m still wearing Sloane’s scent like it’s cologne. “Where do you think?”
Her lips spread into a hopeful smile as she sets down her piece of toast, brushing the crumbs from her hands. “Did you two finally sort your shit out?”
“We didn’t do much talking,” I mumble.
She wrinkles her nose, grimacing. “Gross.”
I shrug a shoulder. “Hey, you asked.” Stepping in closer, I reach over my sister, plucking the second piece of toast from her plate.
“Hey!” Avery protests, but I’m already shoving it in my mouth as I stride away.Finders keepers.
She frowns, turning back to her breakfast and hovering over her plate protectively in case I go in for seconds.
“Are you on the schedule for training today?” I call back to her as I head toward the stairs. As pleasant as Sloane’s scent is, it’s not strong enough to cover up the fact that I also reek like a damn distillery. I’m desperately in need of a shower.
“Nope, it’s the boys’ day,” my twin replies around a bite of food. “I’ve got tomorrow.” She swallows, then swivels around to cast a dubious look in my direction. “Shouldn’t you know these things? You’re the one who came up with the rotation.”
“Probably,” I mutter. “Been a little preoccupied.”
“So are you two back together, then?”
“I wouldn’t go that far.”
Avery throws her head back on a sigh. “Jesus, Madd, justtalkto her! Get everything out in the open or there’s no way you two can move forward.”
I pause at the bottom of the stairs, gripping the railing and glancing back at Aves with a frown. “I’m not so good at the talking stuff,” I admit.
“Tough shit. You have to do it.”
“I know.” I scrub a hand over my face, turning back toward the stairs and starting up them before she can continue her lecture. It’s nothing I haven’t heard before or considered in the context of Sloane’s sudden reappearance, and I don’t need to be reminded yet again how messy things have gotten between the two of us. Not when my thoughts are already stuck in a constant loop of doubt and confusion after waking up beside her this morning.
I know Sloane didn’t choose to leave town when we were seventeen, but she sure as hell could’ve fought harder to stay. She could’ve fought forus. Instead, she just gave up, folding to her dad’s demands because his approval was obviously more important to her than what we had. That girl was my entire fucking world and she just disappeared like a ghost, throwing me away like I never even mattered to her.
When she was gone, it was easy to convince myself it was all a lie. That I was just young and dumb and fell for a girl who never really cared in the first place. But now that she’s back, I keep seeing my pain and regret reflected in her own eyes every time I look at her, so I know it couldn’t have all been bullshit. She cared. Still does. So why the hell did she cut me off when she left?
I have to knowwhy. I fucking deserve to know.
