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I didn’t fight her on it, because I can’t even blame them for questioning my loyalty at this point. My failure to do my job could’ve doomed us all. I have no choice other than to wait this out, hoping they’ll see what I did in Javi and give him a chance.
It’s a small comfort that they brought him here rather than throwing him in a cell at the squad complex. At least that implies they no longer consider him a threat. And as the council continues to debate his fate in the other room, I’ve caught bits and pieces of their contentious arguments flying back and forth. It sounds like the deal he made with them still stands- his pack will be granted asylum within our territory- but what they can’t seem to agree upon is what to do withhimnow, which is more than a little unsettling.
So much has happened in such a short span of time. The adrenaline letdown has left me feeling drained, but at least my wolf’s awake. It’s a relief to feel her again, even if she’s so agitated about being separated from Javi that it’s making me physically nauseous. Between that and my raging anxiety, I can’t even drink the cup of coffee that Sloane offered me- it’s been sitting in front of me untouched, the liquid inside having gone cold long ago. She takes it upon herself to pour it down the drain and bring me a fresh cup, whisps of steam curling up from the top as she carries it over.
“How are you feeling?” Sloane asks as she sets it down on the table in front of me. She’s still as kind and compassionate as ever, even in the face of the mess I’ve gotten us all in.
“I’ve been better,” I joke, glancing up at her wistfully. My knee is bouncing beneath the table in nervous agitation, my fingers sore from the way I’ve been wringing my hands. “I don’t supposeyou’ve had some sort of premonition about how this all turns out?”
She offers me a sympathetic smile as she sinks down into the chair on my left, blowing out a breath that flutters the curly tendrils of hair that have escaped her ponytail to frame her face. “About this? No,” she admits, wrapping her hands around her own coffee mug and staring down into it. “But when we first met Javi, I did get a feeling about him. I told Madd about it that night we debated whether to give them a chance. I just felt like Javi belonged with us, but I didn’t know why or how.” She lifts her gaze, her green eyes meeting my own. “I guess it makes sense now, though. He’s your mate.”
I’ve been protecting this secret for so long that it’s a little jarring to hear someone else say those words out loud, and my first instinct is to deny it. I’m not sure when the truth became more uncomfortable than the lie.
A pang of sadness echoes in my chest as I nod in confirmation.
Javi is mymate. And I shouldn’t be shut away in this kitchen, leaving his fate up to the members of the council who barely even know the man. I should be out there fighting for him, like he did for me today.
“How the hell am I supposed to convince those guys to let him off the hook?” I wonder aloud, knee bouncing faster beneath the table. “I don’t even know ifI’mready to forgive him yet.”
Sloane cocks her head, tracing her thumb along the rim of her coffee cup as she gazes at me thoughtfully. “Maybe not, but are you ready to lose him?”
“No.” The response comes flying out of my mouth before I’ve even fully considered her question, but it’s the truth. I thought I was prepared to walk away from Javi after our last night at the cabin together. I thought I could just pack all my feelings away because objectively, in consideration of all the facts, the odds of us working out as a couple were dismally low.
But I’ve since come to the hard realization that loveisn’tobjective. It doesn’t conform to a list of pros and cons, and it’s not something that can be fixed with a factory reset or patched like a line of code. As it turns out, there’s no one right answer when it comes to matters of the heart, and for the first time in my life, I have to force myself to look past the black and white to see the shades of grey.
I only wish I’d come to that realization sooner, before I allowed myself to walk right into Delilah’s trap.
If that hadn’t happened, would I have walked away from Javi a second time?
I want to say yes, because I went to the motel today with the intention of giving him a heads-up to get out of town, but as soon as he opened the door and I saw his face, I lost all sense of resolve. Javier Cruz is so far under my skin that it’s like he’s a part of me now. In the past twenty-four hours I’ve cried over him, kissed him, doubted him, and been saved by him. No wonder my mind’s so twisted up that I can barely think straight.
“Then I’m sure you’ll think of something,” Sloane says cryptically, her fingertips idly tracing the curve between her neck and shoulder where she bears Madd’s mate mark. She glances at my coffee mug, still sitting full in front of me. “You’ve had a lot of coffee. If you need to use the restroom, there’s one that way, down the hall of the guest wing.” She tips her headtoward the doorway behind her, indicating. “It’s the second door on the left.Not the third, that’s the room they put Javi in.” She pushes her chair out from the table, rising to stand. “I should probably throw another pot of coffee on for the boys.”
Understanding dawns as she starts to move past me and I reach out for her hand, snatching it in mine. “Thank you,” I whisper, squeezing it tightly as I look up at her.
She nods, a mischievous smile curling her lips. “Don’t take too long, huh?”
I nod back, shooting to my feet and hustling out of the kitchen before she changes her mind. Sloane’s sticking her neck out for me here, and I’m not about to waste the opportunity to make things right. Javi put it all on the line for me today. This is my chance to do the same for him.
The rear doorway of the kitchen leads right into the hall, out of view of the main room of the packhouse where the council members are still debating. The voices of the men echo behind me as I creep down the hallway on silent feet, skipping past the restroom and going straight for the third door on the left, as Sloane indicated. I hold my breath as I reach for the knob, pulling it open and slipping inside as quickly as I can.
Javi is perched on the edge of the bed, his head jerking up when I enter. As soon as our eyes meet, he shoots to his feet, and I barely manage to get the door closed behind me before he’s crossed the room and is crowding into my space, cupping my cheek in a hand and lifting my chin so he can examine the cut on my neck.
It’s just a scratch now- since my wolf woke up, my shifter healing has started to kick back in- but Javi still runs his fingers over thefading wound with concern, his features twisted in anguish. “I’m so sorry,mi amor,” he rasps, fingertips ghosting gently over my skin. “I never meant for you to get hurt.”
“I know,” I say, my throat bobbing beneath his touch with a hard swallow. His gaze lifts to meet mine and I stare deeply into those dark, endless eyes, my chest squeezing tightly as a torrent of emotions crashes over me. “Cheyenne told me everything.”
“She did?”
I give him a shallow nod. “I should’ve heard it fromyou, though.”
“I know,” he sighs, his hand falling away from my face as he retreats a step and stabs his fingers into his inky black hair. “I had a plan of my own, I was just trying to get everything lined up before bringing you and the others in on it. I never thought my mom would make a move before that happened. I didn’t want anyone to get hurt…” His voice breaks as it trails off, and my heart squeezes painfully at the reminder of the grief he must be enduring right now.
I watched an enemy bleed out on the pavement today, but Javi watched his mother die.
“I’m sorry about your mom,” I offer quietly, unsure what to say or how to navigate this. Delilah might’ve held a knife to my throat and endangered us all, but she was still hismom. She may not deserve his grief, but he’s entitled to feel it, nonetheless.
A flicker of pain shines in his eyes before he drops his gaze, his shoulders sagging. “It had to be done.”
