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Oh no. No. No. No.
I quickly enclose it in my hand. “Oh. Nothing. Just a water flavoring … thing.” God, I sound so stupid.
Antonio looks at me curiously. “Is it any good?”
I want the earth to swallow me whole just so I can get out of this situation. “Uh, I haven’t tried it yet. I’m not really in the mood for water.”
“… ok?”
I smile, trying to act at ease with a bottle of poison in my hand. “I’m just going to use the bathroom, ok?” I pour the water in the cup down the drain and take the vial with me. Antonio watches me go with a confused smile on his face.
I lean back against the bathroom door, trying to catch my breath. Oh, my goodness. That was a close call. I could go out there and tell Antonio everything. I could pour this poison down the drain, and he’d be none the wiser.
I just … can’t make myself do it. Every time I imagine myself going to Antonio with the truth, I see my father beating my sister with his belt. I can’t do that to her. Not in a million years.
I quietly walk back into the kitchen. Thankfully, Antonio is in the living room, so he doesn’t see as I open the cupboard closest to the sink and put the vial at the way back because I know Antonio doesn’t cook much. Since we’ve been married, I’ve been the one doing the cooking.
I hide the vial behind a bag of cornmeal, knowing the chances of Antonio looking behind a bag of cornmeal are slim to none. I’m not sure why I’m saving the vial. Do I hope to use it someday? Not really. Am I just putting it out of sight until I know what to do? Most likely.
I don’t bother talking to Antonio anymore. Instead, I go to our bedroom and get ready for the night. After changing into a silk nightgown, I lay down in bed and hope Antonio doesn’t ask any more questions when he comes to bed.
Antonio joins me in a little bit, sliding in beside me and pulling me into his arms. “Are you sure you’re ok?” he asks against my neck. I shiver at the sensation. We haven’t had sex since our first time, and I’ve been craving for more. But every time I even think about getting close to Antonio, the guilt inside me tears away at me.
“I’m fine. Just tired. Night.” I close my eyes and hope Antonio falls asleep quickly. I stay awake until I can hear him breathing deeply in sleep.
I turn to him and watch for a moment. He looks so peaceful; it hurts my heart even more. An idea occurs. I could take the pillow from under me and press it to his face, killing him in his sleep. He’d be none the wiser.
I grab my pillow and hover it over his face.Just bring it down and end it, my father’s voice whispers in my head. For a moment, I truly consider it. I bring it just an inch above his face …
… and then I pull back, stuffing the pillow behind me. I’m still sitting up when Antonio opens his eyes. I gasp.
“Hey,” he says, sounding groggy. “What are you doing?”
“Um … just fluffing my pillow.” I do it, feeling like the world’s worst person. All I want is to be happy with Antonio and save my sister from my father. So far, neither of those things is happening for me.
“Trouble sleeping?” He reaches up and pushes a piece of my hair behind my ear. I shiver at his touch. It dawns on me how close we are. My lips are just a few inches over his.
“Yeah,” I admit. That’s one truth I can say.
“I’m here for you, Nina.”
I part my lips to tell him … what? The truth about my father? The truth about how much I want to be with him?
His eyes dart to mine, his gaze darkening with lust before he looks back at me. I can’t take it a moment longer. I’m tired of feeling guilty for something that isn’t my own doing. I’m tired of pushing Antonio away when he’s trying so hard to be there for me. I’m just tired of it all.
So, I guess that’s why I take the plunge.
Without hesitating, I lean down and kiss Antonio.
CHAPTER9
Antonio
Idon’t hesitate to kiss Nina back. I’ve been aching for this for the past week, and since she’s the one initiating it, I’m all in for more.
I grab her waist and roll her onto her back, kissing her with all my might. Nina’s lips and tongue are more frantic than before, like she’s just as desperate for this as I am. Our lips press together in a passionate storm. My hands begin to roam up and down her body, and Nina arches into me.
Nina pulls back from me, grasping the sides of my face. “I need more, Antonio.”
