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“Raped me? Yes.” She lets out a rough blow of breath. Nina gasps at Mom’s admission. I can only stare at my mom. “God, I haven’t been able to say that before. Your older sisters know. They found out without me telling them directly. But I know boys can be a bit more obtuse.”
I’m shaking so hard it’s difficult to stay in my seat. “How did I not know this? When did this happen?”
Mom looks me straight in the eye. “It’s been happening since your father died and Franco moved in. It’s taken me this long to speak the truth. He frightens me. When you get the chance to kill him, Antonio, you take it.” She grips my arm. “You take it, you hear me? I want that man out of our lives for good.”
A tear slips down my face. “Mom, I never knew …”
“How could you? You were busy dealing with the death of your father just like the rest of your siblings. No one paid attention to me. I never expected you to. And then, you were gone for five years. As a teenage boy, I didn’t expect you to see it. But now, as a man, I know you can handle the truth. Your older sisters have been encouraging me to speak about it more, even though it’s so hard. It’s taken me eleven years to get to this point. To be able to speak about it to you … I was so worried what you’d think of me.”
It takes me a second to realize what she means. “You though I’d blame you?”
She looks away. “I wasn’t sure. Men can be so unforgiving when it comes to women getting raped. I didn’t know what kind of man you became while you were gone.”
I stand up, feeling betrayed she’d even think I wouldn’t be on her side. “Mom, how could you think that? I’m your son. I’ve only ever wanted to protect you from him.” I walk away before she can answer. Nina follows me as I head off to the bathrooms.
I burst inside the bathroom, Nina right on my heels. “How could she not tell me? How could she think I’d blame her?”
Nina is silent as I pace around the room before clearing her throat. “Antonio … this isn’t about you.”
I look at her sharply. “What do you mean?”
“You told me before you learned to respect women from your mom and your sisters. So, respect your mom now. When a woman is raped … it’s not always a logical thought process. Yes, she loves you. But as she said, she didn’t know what kind of man you became away from your family. It’s not that she didn’t trust you. It’s that she probably didn’t want to lose you over the truth.”
I stop pacing and stare at my wife. “I’m being ass, you mean.”
She smiles slightly. “Maybe just a little.”
“Damnit, you’re right.” I run a rough hand over my face. “I just … I knew Franco was a bastard. I just never thought that he would have … donethatto my mother. I failed at protecting my family.”
Nina cups my face in her hands, gazing up at me with that loving expression I’ve come to be obsessed with. “You didn’t fail them. You have the chance now to help them. What Franco did to her … that wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t her fault. It was no one’s fault but his. And Ihatehim for it.” The vitriolic anger in her voice surprises me. “You need to go back out there and tell your mother you love her. I know what it’s like to have a mom I can’t depend on. But it sounds like your mom took a lot of Franco’s anger so he couldn’t put it on you and your siblings when you were just kids. Your mom sounds like a superhero. That’s not something I have. Don’t take her for granted.”
“God, I love you, you know that,” I say before I can stop myself. But the moment they come out of me, I realize just how much I don’t want to stop them. I’ve been falling for Nina for weeks now. It’s time the truth came out.
Nina’s eyes widen at my words. “Antonio …”
“You don’t need to say it back if you don’t feel that way for me. I just … I guess I needed you to know. I love you, Nina.” I kiss her head roughly. “And I’ll go back out there and tell my mother I love her as well. What would I do without you?”
Her smile is strained. “I’m not sure.”
Nina and I walk back out to my mom, who’s still at the table, wringing her hands together. Without a word, I pull her into a hug. “I love you, Mom. I understand. There were things Franco tried to do to me that I could never speak about. You’re so brave.”
She sinks into my hold, clinging back just as tightly. “Thank you, Antonio. I’ve only ever wanted to protect you kids.”
“I know.” I let her go. “But leave it to me now to protect you. I’m going after Franco for good. I’ll kill him. You’ll be free of him. I promise you.”
“There’s also something else.” She takes in a deep breath. “The twins. Lucia and Luca. They …” She shakes her head, breathing roughly. “I haven’t been able to say the truth about them either, but I need to. They’re not your father’s. They’re Franco’s.”
It’s like a bomb has gone off in my face. I sit down with a slump. Nina rubs my back, quietly showing me strength. “What?” I finally manage to say. But I know the answer. It all makes sense. They’re ten years old now. Mom found out she was pregnant a month after our dad died. I just assumed they were my father’s kids because why wouldn’t they be?
But now that I know Franco raped my mom …
“Why didn’t you have an abortion?” I ask.
She flinches.
“Antonio,” Nina says in a warning tone.
“No, I need to know. How could you want them after what he did to you?”
