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CHAPTER 1
Cecilia
“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned,” I whisper, bowing my head to my clasped hands. “My last confession was a week ago.” I’d confessed to stealing my sister, Mia’s, pillow and not returning it. But today, my confession is something much worse. It’s something I haven’t had the heart to confess before.
The seat creaks as Father Enzo shifts around on the other side of the separator. He clears phlegm from his throat. I almost want to snap at him to hurry up and ask me what I’ve done wrong. Father Enzo is an old man, probably in his eighties by now, and he thinks he can take all the time in the world. As an impatient twenty-one-year-old, he drives me crazy some days. But he’s the only priest my family has ever gone to, and in my family, you’re not supposed to break tradition.
Finally, he speaks. “What is it you think you have sinned for, child?”
I clench my eyes shut as I press my head to my hands. “I’m in love with my bodyguard.”
“Go on.”
“I’m not supposed to be. He’s been a guard in our family since I was a kid. But ever since I became a teenager, I started having feelings for him. And even now that I’m an adult, they haven’t gone away. I have … lustful thoughts about him. I know it’s wrong, but I can’t help how I feel. I know we’ll never be together. It’s impossible. But I can’t stop my feelings or thoughts. What should I do, Father?”
“You are forgiven for confessing. You recognize it’s wrong to have these feelings. So, the only course of action is to stop feeling them.” I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes at his advice. If only it were easy to stop “feeling” what I feel for Theo. If it were, I wouldn’t be here, confessing to my priest.
“Your penance is a prayer,” he continues. “An Act of Contrition.”
I let out a rough breath. “That’s … it?”
“That’s it.”
“But why? I just confessed to have inappropriate thoughts about my much older bodyguard.”
“You haven’t acted on your feelings. That’s a good thing. You need to know God is always with you. A prayer will suffice.”
“My God, I am sorry for the sins with all my heart. In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good.” I continue with my penance as Father Enzo listens. Once I am done, he absolves me of my guilt.
“I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.”
“Amen,” I whisper, signing the cross.
I leave the confessional booth feeling shaky. Father Enzo didn’t really help me as I was hoping. I still feel what I feel.
And when I approach my family, who’s seated in one of the pews with our bodyguard Theo standing behind them, all I can think about is how handsome Theo is.
With broad shoulders, a tan, and dark scruff on his chin, he’s something out of any Italian girl’s fantasy. His brown hair is cut short, but there’s a hint of a wave to it. His dark eyes always seem like they’re peering into my sole. At thirty-five, he’s fourteen years my senior. It’s not uncommon for mafia girls to end up married to men much older than them, but it is uncommon for them to marry their bodyguards. In fact, it’s not just uncommon. It’s completely unheard of.
He's such a stark contrast to my lighter features. My hair is almost platinum blonde, and my skin looks like it hasn’t seen the sun in years. I wonder what it would look like to see his skin close to mine. I shiver at the thought.
His eyes flick to mine briefly before darting away. A man like Theo Williams would never look my way. He’s known me since I was twelve. He’ll only ever see me as a little girl. That’s for the best, even though the thought breaks my heart. I’m in love with him, and he’ll never know.
I’ll be married someday, and Theo will become a thing of the past. That’s how it should be. I just keep telling myself that.
Theo looks at me again, and I quickly look away. I’m staring again. I need to work on that.
My mom, Giulia Moretti, stands up once I reach her. She’s a gorgeous woman, even in middle age, with her long golden hair and pretty smile. She’s birthed eight kids, but you wouldn’t know by looking at her.
I clutch the cross around my neck tighter as Mom turns to me. I feel even guiltier than I did talking to Father Enzo. My mom is a perceptive woman, and I’m terrified she’ll sense the sins on my face.
“All done?” she asks, motioning at my younger two siblings, Lucia and Luca, to stop messing around. They’re twins and only ten years old, which means they’re pure chaos. They’re theopposite in look to my mom and me, with their dark hair and eyes. They have our father in them.
“Yes.” I clear my throat. “I’m good.”
“Good. Let’s go back home. I need to start on dinner.” My mom’s duties are never done. “Come on,” she tells Luca. “Stop hitting your sister. Let’s go.” Luca sticks his tongue out at Lucia, who just shoves them back. They might fight all the time, but I know those two will go to bat for each other when they’re older. They’ll have to, being so much younger than the rest of us.
Mia steps beside me as we walk out of the church. At nineteen years old, she’s the next one to be married off after me. She rolls her eyes. “God, I hate church. Why do we have to come every week?”
