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“His coach is very serious. And so are the parents. It’s like a cult, and they talk on the sidelines about whether the kid is good enough for the team or not all the time. Like it’s the pros or something. Anyway, he can’t miss it. Have to show that commitment.”
“He’s four,” I say but wonder if I sound like I know nothing about kids now. “It’s soccer for four-year-olds.”
“Almost five, if you ask him. But after his uncle came to visit from Mexico, Tony is mad aboutfootball.” She makes air quotations. “He makes me call it football now. That’s what they call the sport everywhere but here.”
“Well, you’ll be missed.” My mom’s words politely urge Shay to leave.
“Have fun tonight.” She heads to the door but hitches her thumb toward the cake box. “There’s a card taped to the box for Ron.”
“I’ll make sure he gets it.”
When the front door clicks shut behind Shay, I bury my face in my hands.
Mom still doesn’t get everything. “Itwasyou in the picture? Please tell me it was you in the picture.”
I nod, head still hung. My heart crackles all over again seeing how happy we were just days ago. How hopeful I was… before I knew.
My mom ushers me and my big mushy duvet back into her bedroom, and we sit on the edge of her bed. “I still think you should come. Don’t let this fester.”
“I can’t be there all day. I’m not going to bring drama to Ron’s party.”
“Come toward the end. The boys have a string of away games starting again on Saturday. You can’t leave it ’til then, Jolie.”
She’s right. I don’t even want to. From the moment Ashton left my house, I wanted to run back to him, take it all back, change my mind, tell him I’m sorry… but each time I told myself that, I was reminded of Fletcher. Of Monica. Of everyone in this town and all over the country knowing the Danes’ business. It’s big.
But like my mom says, if Ashton is the one, nothing is bigger than us.
Bone-chilling dread sends a shiver down my spine. I was the one who suggested we can’t hurt Fletcher. What if Ashton has had time to think more and now he agrees with me? What then? Do we carry on a secret relationshipforever? Or worse… will Ashton decide it’s better we are apart? “What if he doesn’t want me back?”
“I have no idea what has transpired between you two but what have I always said?” She hugs me tight. “I’ll catch you, sweetie.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
I love my dad.And when I watch him step foot onto the linoleum floor of this basement he created as a sanctuary for his two boys, and see his surprise and the tear in the corner of his eye, I’m so grateful he’s still with us. But an hour later, the music grates on me. I have no interest in making conversation. And the beer I’m holding is still three quarters full and warm because I’ve mostly spent my time concentrating on the stairs, the world spinning around me.
Several hours into my dad’s birthday party, the amount of balloons and confetti popper shredmade our cavernous basement recreation room look like a soft play area you could fall down in and not get hurt. Color, smiles, laughter, and music fill the air, but none of it infuses me with the least bit of light.
I watch the stairs all goddamn day and bite my tongue from asking the Hunters present if Jolie is coming. I don’t bring her up, but I swear Sam keeps looking at me funny like she’s either assessing me as the whodunnit in a game of Clue or she knows something she shouldn’t. She doesn’t seem the type to be checking out those puck bunny sites, but she knows enough teenage girls, her daughter included, and if just one person in this town reads that blog, it won’t take long for news to spread.
Then, I’ll have to relive losing Jolie all over again as every granny I cross paths with, and every old classmate at Sly’s, asks if she and I are together. The mere thought of my mouth forming the word ‘no’ makes my heart pang with wanting and regret.
The one person I could ask straight is Logan, who doesn’t know for sure. I make him text her, and she answers him:Probably later.
Later.
Every minute that passes seems like it should be later because even though she told me we had to end it, my life doesn’t feel normal without her, especially not here in Starlight Canyon. It’s like the party takes place in slow motion time lapse, and between every frame, my eyes are on the stairs leading out of our basement, seeing her appear with that wild smile on her face.
What have I done? Why did I let myself walk away? Now that the shock of Chloe’s arrival and Jolie’s words have worn off, I kick myself for ever leaving her house that night. I should have fought even harder.
I want to fight now.
“Achy Breaky Heart” comes on. My parents pushed our pool tables and lounge sofas along the walls so there would be a makeshift dance floor. Guests flock to it to do a line dance. Maybe this is my chance to make an exit.
But Joy Hunter comes to stop me. “You’re not going to dance, cowboy?” She does a step ball change, trying to bring a smile to my face.
I give her a meaningless, polite, thin-lipped grin which is all I can muster. “I’m tired. Just one of those days.” I drink my beer, and it tastes like piss.
She threads her arm through mine and stands alongside me. I’ve known Joy for as long as I can remember knowing people. She took care of me for two days while I had chicken pox and my parents were calving. She would bring me the same hot chocolate any morning she drove Logan and I to practice. I was close to her.
