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Dearest love,
If you hold this book, then I have received my just punishment for my terrible crimes. I accept this fate as my due. However, more than anything, you deserve to hear the truth of all that has been wrought.
You must be furious that I didn’t include you in my plans. But sensing the life stirring within you, I dared not. I know how you are, my love. If you’d been witness to your father’s plans, you would have risked all to challenge him. What could be so dark? The morning after our wedding, he told me he would kill you once our child was born. He wanted you to die like Lora, he said. I’m certain you can imagine what went through my mind at that.
Bile scalded its way up Tes’s throat. Her father’s mistress had died while the two had been abed. For threatening to leave him, he’d beaten her even as he’d forced her— Tes pressed her fist against her mouth and shoved that horrible scene aside.
He would have insisted on raising our child while setting me up as king of Llyalia. I will not share with you the horrible words he said while detailing this plan, but suffice it to say that I still sometimes wake in a cold sweat at the memory. You would’ve had no choice but to confront him, and he wouldn’t have hesitated to kill you for it.
I had to see you safely to Toren in a way that wouldn’t rouse his suspicions. Duke Aony offered his help, as you know, but we didn’t reveal the whole of his involvement to you. He was to fake your death in Llyalia, only for the mistake to be uncovered when your lookalike woke from her stupor on the way to Centoi.
We would have spent the year “searching” for you and your supposed kidnappers, then. But Aony killed your guard instead. He killed her and betrayed us all. He believes Toren had you executed for hurting Mehl, clearing the way for him to claim the throne. I may have the king’s favor, but Aony has the proper bloodlines. My position here is precarious.
But since you have assassinated me as a traitor, you’ll be free to act against the duke. I’ve listed here every misdeed I’ve been involved in and every noble I believe to be aligned withDuke Aony, as well as those seemingly friendly to me. Beware of any who approach you for a marriage alliance once your mourning period is over.
Above all, trust no one. Especially not your father. Keep our son safe in Llyalia for as long as possible. He will not be safe here until the rot is cleared.
His words sounded so raw. So trulyhim. But could she dare to believe?
True to his word, Ber followed with two exhaustive lists: one detailing the horrors her father had forced upon him and one of every noble family in Centoi, starting with those at court. Tes tried to read it, but before she made it through half the first, tears blurred her sight until even skimming was too much. Why hadn’t he told her what her father had put him through?
How could Ber think she would hold it against him? She was far too familiar with the king’s cruelties for that. If her father hadn’t been keeping her ensconced like a pure little jewel for some future marriage, he would have forced her into the same terrible deeds.
She blinked away the moisture hazing her vision and did her best to continue. Page after page of details, most of which came as little surprise based on her own knowledge of the court and of the nobles in question. But at the end of the lists, she found two more notes, written in a hastier scrawl as though he’d been in a rush. A letter addressed to Speran and one final note for her.
Perhaps it wasn’t trust that held me back. Whatever horrors you believe your father capable of, magnify them. I considered confessing more than once, but after he drew me into his misdeeds, I couldn’t bear to earn your hate with the truth. But if you’ve read the whole of my words up to this point, you’ll no doubt know the scope of it. I’ve earned my death.
For you and our child, I would die the greatest villain. Say what you wish of me if it will bring you safety and happiness.
All my love forever—Ber
He claimed to love her, but he hadn’t trusted her enough to share so very many burdens. And she’d been too oblivious to notice. Gods, she’d been such an innocent, despite her harsh childhood. She’dbelievedin him—and in their love. Whilehe’dbelieved she was too delicate to be an equal partner.
How dared he do this?
A ragged sob tore through her throat, waking Speran into a startled cry. She breathed in and out through her nose to settle her own emotions and rubbed her son’s back to calm him.
“It’s your fool of a father’s fault,” Tes muttered.
To distract herself and her son, she resumed her earlier pacing, and finally, her measured steps soothed Speran back to sleep. Unfortunately, it only allowed her more time to think.I don’t know if I can forgive you for this, Berrett Eyamiri,she thought bitterly.
But he wasn’t there to receive her ire.
She couldn’t stop the slow, wet roll of tears from streaming endlessly down her cheeks.
Ber stoppedin front of the mirror, his fingers brushing the smooth skin of his throat where the gash had been. He’d wanted to ask the healer to let it scar, a memento of his encounter with Tes, but he’d had no reasonable excuse to request such a thing. Instead, he had kept only the thin scratch across his shoulder that the healer hadn’t seen. A better reminder, as Ber had earned it during a moment of pleasure, but one that was regrettably out of view.
Gods, this room was miserable without Tes.
She’d always checked her appearance in this floor-length mirror before leaving the room—either to verify that she was ready for court or to ensure a disguise was perfect. And he’d often sat in the low, soft chair against the wall, at first so he could give her pointers on her various costumes and later for companionship. Then, for a few precious years, as a lover allowed to admire.
Each stage had been a blessing.
If not for the secret tunnels, he never could have gotten away with entering her rooms. In fact, his visits had started innocently enough. He’d been shunned by many of the nobles and terribly lonely away from Llyalia. Tes had taken him under her wing, and true friendship had bloomed. There’d been only that when he’d started teaching her ways to slip free of her confinement, and she’d first invited him here to help her do so.
Ber dropped into his seat, but it didn’t bring comfort. Instead of his smiling friend-turned-wife standing in front of the mirror, there was only cold emptiness now.This is going to be torment.Yet he couldn’t have denied the king’s request and still maintain this newest deception. A trend he’d suffered through far too often.
He and Tes had barely shared this room openly as husband and wife before they’d left on their honeymoon trip near the border. He’d already worked out a way to see Tes safe, but he hadn’t imagined all that would come after. Betrayal. Failure. And now, he once again needed to readjust his plans.
