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‘Like I said, you’re allowed to have feelings too, especially around me.’
Arrosa buried her head in his shoulder, her voice muffled when she did speak. ‘I feel so selfish to be thinking of me at a time like this.’
‘But?’
‘Oh, Jack. My father was around my age when he had to become King, and because of that he left Clem’s mother, left Clem, and married Maman, and they haven’t had a happy marriage. Instead he dedicated his life to service, as did she. I know that is my future, I’ve come to terms with it, but I’m not ready, not yet. And...’ She almost choked back the next words but she made herself keep going. ‘I don’t want to do it alone. I know I have Clem, but...’ She couldn’t quite bring herself to say the words quivering on her tongue. To say that she didn’t want to do this without Jack. To tell him that having him here by her side, in her country was more than she had ever wished for, hoped for.
To tell him that she loved him.
But this wasn’t the time and place.
‘I’m sorry. I’m being cowardly and weak.’
Jack took her hands in his. ‘Arrosa Artega, you’re the bravest person I know.’
But she wasn’t being brave now, was she? ‘I...’
Before she could say anything else Clem and Akil arrived back with fresh hot drinks and an array of food. To her surprise, Arrosa discovered that she was a little hungry and managed half a roll and some of the coffee but the time to confide in Jack had passed. The day stretched on as the minutes slowly ticked by and there was still no news of her father.
Her mother arrived soon after Clem returned and Arrosa was both surprised and moved by the Queen’s evident distress. In some ways it seemed that the events of the last few weeks had brought the royal couple closer together, which made it even more imperative that her father should make a swift and full recovery. If she had to take on more responsibility to enable that to happen then of course she would. She wanted her parents to have the time to enjoy this new understanding between them, for her father and Clem to have the time to develop a proper relationship, for her father to be able to enjoy his grandchildren when they finally came along. She was prepared to do whatever she needed to do to enable that. But she knew now that it would be easier with Jack by her side.
Clem was right. Arrosa had thought she was protecting Jack by hiding her feelings from him but, really, she was disempowering him. He deserved the chance to know how she felt and to make his own decisions.
It felt like an age before the doctor came in, removing his mask and rubbing his eyes wearily. ‘I’m pleased to say that the operation went as well as could be expected,’ he said. ‘We’re not out of the woods yet, but I’m as cautiously optimistic as I can be. His Majesty is sleeping now and although I can allow Her Majesty a few minutes at his side if she wishes, I suggest the rest of you go home, get some sleep and return to see him tomorrow.’
The Queen waved off their suggestion that they waited for her, insisting that her car and driver were waiting and she would rather be alone tonight anyway. Arrosa lingered, knowing her mother’s tendency to hide behind what she thought she should do rather than what she wanted, but her mother met her gaze firmly and nodded.
‘You too, Arrosa,’ she said. ‘You’ve had an exceptionally busy day. Go and get some rest.’
Her hug was warmer and more heartfelt than usual and Arrosa impulsively pressed a quick kiss to her mother’s smooth cheek before allowing Henri to escort her out of the room, Jack closely behind.
Jack stayed in the car until they drew up outside Arrosa’s villa, rather than asking to be dropped off at the palace. He checked in with Sally from the car, relieved when she reassured him that the girls were fine and although they were naturally worried about Arrosa and the King, who they had all met and liked, she had managed to distract them for most of the day. They were currently enjoying dinner in front of the television after an afternoon at the beach and barely mustered up the energy to shout hellos when she prompted them. Sally finished by telling him not to hurry back, and that she was happy to look after Tansy and Clover for as long as he needed her to. Jack said a few words of heartfelt gratitude before, with a nod at Henri, following Arrosa into her home. He took her bag out of her unprotesting fingers and set it on the hallway table.
‘Go on,’ he said. ‘Go and get changed. That dress is beautiful, and you look beautiful, but it doesn’t look that comfortable.’
She laughed a little shakily. ‘You know, I spent the first hour we were at the hospital still wearing a crown. Isn’t that ridiculous?’
‘For anybody else, maybe.’
‘Par for the course for me?’ She made no move away, but stood looking up at him, confusion and hope in her eyes. ‘He is going to be all right, isn’t he, Jack?’
‘The doctor seemed optimistic. That’s encouraging.’
‘Yes. Thank you for coming, Jack.’
‘Any time.’
‘Do you want a drink?’ She was nervous, he realised as she whirled into the kitchen and found him a beer, grabbing one for herself, opening the back doors and ushering him outside. The evenings were chilly now but she didn’t seem to feel the cold as she stood staring out at the lake.
‘Jack,’ she said at last, turning to him. ‘When you arrived at the hospital I realised you were exactly who I needed. That you are always who I need. I can’t let you go without telling you how I feel. I love you, Jack, with all my heart. I tried not to, but I can’t help it.’
Jack stood there, unable to move or speak as each word sank in, warming him through, bringing him to life like soft rain on parched earth.
‘I know what the papers say, and how you feel, that my world isn’t yours, but I don’t believe that. To me you are the knight in shining armour I didn’t believe existed. A man who is kind and dependable and who understands me. A man I can trust with every thought and emotion. A man who has proved that over and over. I know you come as part of a package, and I love that too—but I also know that’s why you are wary. If this life isn’t for you then I will never blame you for that, but I had to tell you how I feel. I want you in my life for ever, you and the girls. I love you.’
‘Oh, Rosy. I love you too. I think I have done from the moment you bought us ice cream and saved me from a full-on meltdown.’ Jack inhaled, long and deep, searching for the right words. ‘I wasn’t going to say anything today. I thought what with the speech as well as your father you’d probably had all the emotion you could handle but, as usual, I underestimated you.’
She laughed and took a step closer. Deliberately, Jack took her undrunk beer from her hand and set it down on the garden table next to his and entwined his fingers through hers. The simple act of holding hands after so many weeks apart was like a balm to his soul.
