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She gave a quick nod and disappeared into the bathroom. While he waited for her in bed, he ticked through the questions swirling in his head. What now? This was all new territory. It wasn’t like he’d been celibate. He’d had some hook-ups after coming back stateside, but they’d been casual sex, and not recent. Hell, he’d even had trouble finding the condoms. The dry spell wasn’t the issue, though. Nothing he’d ever experienced came even close to what he’d felt with Crystal, and that scared the shit out of him.
She returned, slid onto the bed, and quickly pulled the sheet up. Was she embarrassed at being naked? As beautiful as she was, she shouldn’t be. Then again, she’d never done this before.
“Gimme a sec, and I’ll be right back.” He patted her shoulder.
After doing what he needed, he splashed some water on his face, took a deep breath, and went back to the bedroom.
Crystal was curled up, her head resting on his pillow, eyes wide. The picture of vulnerability.
He slipped onto the bed, and she snuggled up against him. Damn if her curves didn’t fit right into his side, and the feel of her silky hair on his shoulder made him want to hit replay. But no. That wasn’t happening. Deeper emotions pulsed through him.
“I think we should talk about this.” His throat tightened, still dealing with the fact she’d been a virgin.
She brushed her hair back and raised her head to meet his eyes. “Okay.”
Shit, he hated to see that look, like she was afraid of what he might say next.
He touched her cheek. “I don’t understand. Why did you decide to do this with me? If you waited this long, it makes me think you were holding out for the right person.
She lowered her head and shrugged before peering back up at him, her blue eyes shining with hope. “What ifyouare that person?”
Whoa. His heart hit the brakes, skidding to a halt.
“I mean, I’ve been thinking about it, I might not have to go back to Hollywood.” She tucked her hair behind an ear. “I have other options. I—”
“Wait.” He ran a hand down his face.
He had to stop that train of thought in its tracks. He’d told her about the PTSD. Even if he wanted to be the right person,he couldn’t give her what she needed. She deserved to be with someone who’d make her happy.
“I don’t think you understand how bad things can get with me. I can’t subject you to that.”
“I’m not worried. I’ll handle whatever happens. You don’t scare me. I’ve seen how you care about people.” She shook her head and gazed into his eyes. “You took me to the doctor when I got poison ivy. You gave up your house to me and even bought an air conditioner. You taught me how to fish.”
“Crystal, stop. You don’t know how—”
“Shh.” She put a finger to his lips. “I’m not done. The list goes on. Your devotion to your mother, your concern for my safety. My point is, I…I want to try to be with you if you have feelings for me.”
A tight band cinched his ribs, making it hard to breathe. He’d reached the point of emotional overload and didn’t know how to handle this outpouring.
“I do care about you, which is why I can’t burden you with my baggage.”
Her eyes turned glassy. “If I want to take that on, it’s my choice.”
Overwhelmed with what she’d just told him and what she was willing to give up for him, he was at a loss for words. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Neither do I. Maybe we can think about it?”
Think about it? Yeah, he could think about it. He could dream about it. He could imagine what it would be like to be with her every day. But at the risk of hurting her because she didn’t know what she was signing up for? That wasn’t in his DNA.
“All right. We can think on it,” he said.
She rubbed her eyes. “I’m tired, and I can’t focus anymore. Can we talk about this another time?”
“Yes.” It would give him a chance to process everything she’d told him and keep him from saying anything hurtful. “I should take you back, unless you want to stay for a while and get a little sleep? I’d like that.” He cupped her cheek and kissed her.
“So would I.” She slunk down and rested her head on his shoulder.
He couldn’t promise her the future, but he’d take this one night together. An unbearable ache formed in his chest at the thought of not being the man she needed, and having to let her go.
