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If I knew what would come afterward though, I probably never would have stepped foot in that home that night.
My husband walks up with popcorn, drinks, and even nachos in his hand for us all to share. I can’t help but shake my head as I chuckle under my breath. One thing’s for sure: I never thought we’d make it this far.
No matter how much this stadium has changed over the last twenty years, I can still remember like it was yesterday what it felt like, being out there on that field, performing for the entire city to see.
When I look back at the field, he’s still staring at me. When he gives me a slight wave, I wave back, only to feel my husband nudge my leg beside me.
I inhale a deep breath and turn his way.
“You see who’s here?” he asks.
“Didn’t you expect he’d still be here?” I ask without coming out and saying,No shit he’s here.
He shrugs. “I mean, I guess so. Twenty years is a long time.”
I thought it was funny that his name just happened to never come up as we planned this trip. I think both of us were tiptoeing around the thought of seeing him again, neither one of us wanting to bring it up to the other one.
His name, and really this entire town, became the taboo subject that we both wanted to never have to think about again. We’ve been able to avoid it this long, but we both knew coming back here someday was inevitable as well as facing him.
I glance in his direction, and thankfully, he’s talking to some other coaches with his back to us now, so I take the time to breathe out a long breath, trying to act like this place is only full of good memories and not the ones that stand out in my head when I think about my high school days.
Tilting my head back, I look up at the fall sky, full of beautiful orange and red hues with the sun starting to set.
This was my father’s favorite time of day. That moment of peace before the buzz of the lights came on, where you only feel a light breeze and not the blazing sun piercing down on you. This is when he would get truly pumped for what was to come—the true Friday night lights events that would continue with the varsity game.
“It’s about damn time you came back to visit us,” I hear from someone walking by and look up to see Heather standing there with her hand on her hip and her eyebrows raised at me.
I squeal as I jump from my seat and rush the couple of rows down to where she’s standing.
“It’s so good to see you!” I wrap my arms around her.
She hugs me tight. “You too. It’s just not the same, seeing all your photos on social media and not getting to see you in person.”
We’ve kept in touch, of course, but she’s only come to visit us a couple of times, one being our wedding, but it’s been at least ten years since I last saw her. Both of our lives seem to revolve only around our kids, and pleasure trips seem to be a thing of the past nowadays.
“Do I get to sit with you guys?” she asks.
“Of course. They saved this entire section for us, but I’m not sure why. They should have known it was only the five of us.”
She levels her eyes at me. “But wouldhereally have known that? Have you talked to him at all, or was this all set up through the school?”
I shake my head. “They sent the invite in the mail, and then the new principal called to make sure we were coming.”
She purses her lips. “Yep, that’s what I figured. Some things just never change, especially around here.”
“Do I get a hug or what?” my husband says, exiting the stands when he realizes who I’m talking to.
“Hey, you,” Heather says as she wraps her arms around him in a hug. “Thanks for making her come. I know she didn’t want to at first.”
“I …”
They both glare at me, and I don’t finish my sentence, knowing they’re right. When we got the invite, all it did was cause anxiety within me. It was easier, just moving on and leaving everything behind. I liked it better, just forgetting about the past, turning the page and starting our lives together.
When I kept tucking the invite in the drawer and my husband kept pulling it back out and placing it where I could see it, I knew there was no getting around it. Mainly because I knew there was no way I could not be here to support my dad.
I’m honored they’ve kept his memory alive, and I wish every day of my life he were still here to see his grandkids and teach Tommy to play football. I would love to be sitting in these stands and watching my kids out on the field, but life doesn’t always give you what you want. I had to learn that the hard way, but I’ve figured things out, and I live a good life that I’m proud of. I know he’d be proud of me too.
So, here I am, sucking in my pride and facing what I ran away from twenty years ago, just to honor his memory and make sure his name, his life, has more meaning now that he’s gone.
